Posted 05 February 2014 - 12:13 AM
I'm back for those who remember me and The Turquoise Pumps. I know I haven't been on in ages. For those who are new and dont remember me, I'm Alex!
I got lonely and thought of my family on MCMB. I began writing this story.
It's called Believe. It's about Haliee Watson. A girl who must move to a new town. It's a beach town. She falls in love with the beach and a boy. The problem? There just simply isn't one.....or so she thought. Her mother has escaped from rehab. Then secrets and painful memories are discovered.
Well that's the blurb. Unfortunately my computer broke so I have to type it all on my phone.
Much love xx
Posted 05 February 2014 - 10:52 AM
Sounds really good, the concept has a lot of potential.
Definitely the sort of thing I'd read.
Secrets and painful memories, I'm intrigued.(and also really tired.)
Posted 06 February 2014 - 12:50 AM
Right now, I'm staring at my new mirror. Studying my face and how much its changed. I note how my face is growing, elongating slowly with each year. My baby fat is melting away to almost nothing. I smirk at myself.
I hold my hands tightly together as I let my lap cradle them. My legs fall over the edge of my bed. Crossing my ankles, able to see the sparkles in my pink nail polish. My feet have a faint tanlines of my flipflops. A sign from Mother Nature that summer is rushing around the corner.
I wear a loose tank top, the straps falling off my shoulders. My jeans are probably a size too small but why buy a larger size when the ones you have fit semi-well. I release my hand grip to move a strand of my hair from my face.
My new bedroom is slowly filling with all my sentimental items. Light floods my room, or maybe it's all the blue and white colors. It may seem cliche to have seashells and baby blue colors, yet I don't really care. It's soothing for me.
There is only three boxes left, though I already know it all my clothing. Let's admit it, girls love to shop and clothes!
I sigh heavy, slipping offbthe edge of the bed to attend to one of the boxes.
It's not long until I hear my father's voice boom in the house. He's happy, his voice is more cheerful and rather high. He yells my name with such glee.
"In here!" I yell out.
I'm sitting crosslegged, as I pull out all my formal wear dresses. I had just neatly folded my grey bridemaids dress with Dad entered.
He kind of slides across the wood floor like Kramer from Seinfield.
"You alright?" I say with a laugh.
He returns the chuckle before taking a seat on my bed.
" I just met the neighbors!" Dad says with a wide grin.
"And they dipped you in a vast of chemicals. Turning you into the Joker?"
My dad shoots me a glare before continuing.
"Sarcasm aside, they are very pleasant!" He still has a large grin his face. "Inviting us for dinner."
I nod as he continues to tell me about the neighbors.
Right before our dinner date with the neighbors, I decided to take a walk down the beach. The sun is about to set, turning the sky to red flame. The water lightly shows the reflection of the sun and its colors. Though I can still see how crystal blue the water is when it comes by to tickle my toes. The sand is like a feather. It's a small grain as well as a white color.
I'm clutching my sandals with a strong grip. As I run towards the thrashing waves. The smell of the water is so refreshing. The salt reminds me of my mother and I when we came to this town during my summer vacation.
I plop down, watching the hot surfers dashing into the waves. I notice how they throw down the board's and do yoga stretches before trotting off into the bath like water.
I'm startled when a blue surf board falls to my side. I look up to a tall figure.
"You just like to look at the water?" The deep voice says.
"No, I'm hunting for men." I reply, half joking half serious.
The boy's laugh is booming, almost vibrating through my soul.
He lets his legs fold underneath him. Now I can see his face slightly better.
The first thing that pops out are his emerald eyes that is hidden away in the dark curly hair. He flashes me a smile.
"New in town?" He says
I chew my lower lip, responding with a nod.
"Chaz, name's Chaz."
I nod, taking the handshake he throws out my way.
He nods, letting my voice hang in the air. I don't try to start a conversation. I think my breath is taken aback by his eyes.
"Ever been surfing?"
I shake my head, murmuring a no. His face brightening up.
"I'll give you my number. I can show you around, teach you how to surf."
I nod, saying how I did appreciate his sweet hospitality. I stumble onto my feet, as I reach for my phone. Chaz rises on his feet, revealing his abnormal height.
"How tall are you?"
He laughs, "Um...6'7"
I hand him my phone to add his number.
"Give me a call," Chaz says as he reaches for his board.
We say our goodbyes as I watch the tall cute boy running towards the vicious waves.
"Be nicer than normal." My father says as he rings the doorbell.
I can't help but laugh at my father dressing in a suit for dinner. He holds a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine. I note how he is sweating with nervousness.
Dad made me dress up in a formal dress and heels. He wants to make a good impression.
"And be polite." He adds just before the neighbor lady opens the door.
She's rather tall, almost towering over my father. Yet her eyes seem sweet and kind. She flashes a delicate smile while rushing for a hug. She squeezes the breath out of me, only to move to squeeze my father to death.
She steps back, throwing her hand out towards me.
"Hailee" I respond, givog a firm shake of her hand.
Shea's husband steps behind her. He isn't very friendly, giving a very stern and straight face.
"Hello," he's voice is extraordinarily deep and thundering. "I'm Jesse"
They step back from the door to let us in.
"And this is our children Stella and Charlie." Jesse tells us.
The girl stands by the piano, giving a very small smile. I feel overdressed after noticing how Stella is in a button down dress and Uggs. Her hair is tied in a messy ponytail showing off her square face.
The awkward silence is broken with a voice.
"Papa! Should I put-
The boy stops in mid sentence, as we lock eyes
Charlie is actually Chaz.
Hi! thank you for liking the blurb. Note I typed this chapter pen on the phone which isn't easy surprisingly. I know my details are odd actually but Hailee rather odd haha so it's just an silly thing that she notes chapter two soon up! Comment please
Posted 06 February 2014 - 11:00 AM
Posted 06 February 2014 - 01:23 PM
The way you describe, but not over describe is great.
Chapter 1 is very flowing and sweet.
I admire the way the mood of your chapter was continuous.
Your writing seems very effortless, which is a refreshing talent.
In case I haven't made it clear, I'm definitely reading.
Charlie is Chaz - this should be interesting.
This has a bucket load of potential.
Please update soon.
Edited by BonkersBookworm78, 06 February 2014 - 01:24 PM.
Posted 06 February 2014 - 10:15 PM
And I'm so excited that you like it! it's exciting
The kitchen smells so delicious. Filling the air full of savory smells. It's a rather grand cooking space. With large butcher block counters and stainless steel appliances. The cabinets are a glossy white with sweet ebony metal handles, letting the glass backlash to shine.
"Dream kitchen right here." I murmur.
I'm standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Pressing my shoulder on the doorframe.
"My mom put her blood and tears for this design." Stella says" slipping pass me.
"Well done." I reply watching Stella as she opens the oven. I can almost feel the heat from there.
She grabs a pot holder to remove a large pan.
"You like macaroni and cheese?" She asks.
I nod, folding my arms. "Yes."
She laughs, slamming the pan on the stovetop.
"She's quiet isn't she?" Says Chaz. Or is it Charlie?
He brushed up against me, trying to get to the kitchen.
God! Why did HE have to be blessed with large shoulders, a sweet and innocent face, and amazing hair? Why?
Stella agrees, searching her cabinets for a serving spoon.
"I maybe be quiet, but I don't inter-change names." I state, cocking my head back. Trying to disguise a smile.
Chaz (or Charlie) shoots me a glare, flashing a smirk. Stella roars with laughter, slapping and hitting her brother.
"Did he use Chaz, Chuck or Check?" Stella asks in between her contagious laughing.
"Chaz..." I say "but it's always good to have multiple identification. If...ya know..you're a killer."
The state makes Stella fall to her knees. Tears are streaming down from happiness.
"I love her."
Chaz nods, still having a smirk on his face. He shakes it off when his father is yelling for some wine. Chaz takes no time to grab the liquor from the refrigerator and attend to his family's needs.
Stella is slowly rising up to her feet, just by grabbing the edge of the counter. As well as some help from me.
"He always does that." Stella says.
She rolls her eyes, "Charlie has a name here." Only to change the subject to food.
The dinner is formal. Flowers are elegantly placed every ten or so inches. All guests have large place mats with a seashell pattern. My knoef and fork has a large seashell shape carved into the metal.
I have my paper napkin across my lap. My ankles are crossed as I wait for the last finishing touches. Stella is seating rather close to me, giving me a wink. Chaz is on the other side of me. My heart is racing just the thought of him near me.
Finally Shea places down a large shining turkey. She smiles around before instructing Chaz to say a prayer before dinner.
He rises from his seat, asking everyone to join hands. He doesn't even wait for me to give him my hand. Chaz snatches it up, giving me a hard squeeze. I close.my eyes, taking a large breath to relax my nerves.
"Dear heavenly father. I ask you to bless this food, this family and our guests. Allow this food to nourish our bodies. To watch over us and to maintain our health. Amen"
Chaz gives another firm grip, releasing my hand with ease
"Mac and cheese?" Shea asks me, handing me the large five thousand pounds of cheese dish. After that it's like everyone was asking me about something.
Within seconds my plate looks like a rainbow as well as a mountain. I notice how the children are extremely quiet during dinner. I lean toward Stella to as why. She shakes her head softly only to say that's the rules of the house.
My father and Jesse are having a bang up time. Shea and Stella are telling each of us that they are going to bed. Only to float upstairs. I tell my father that I'm going home
He begs me to stay but I tell him I can't. My eyes are slowly fluttering shut. Jesse nods, saying how he understood.
The tall guy come out of the kitchen, wiping his hands.
"Walk Hailee home please."
"Yeah, I'll get my coat."
I say how unnecessary to do this. Jesse tells me otherwise. I sigh, kissing my father on the head so I could wait by the door.
I yell.my dad good bye, when I saw Chaz appearing wearing a leather jacket. I open the door, feeling the sharp cool air against my skin. The sun has set, revealing the pretty diamonds of the stars.
"What brought you here?" Chaz asks, closing the door behind him.
I'm silent. "Just my dad's work."
That's a lie. It was due to my mother.
"Yeah. Are you from Rosemont?"
"Born and raised." Chaz replies
We stand on my porch. I'm able to take a strong looking his eyes. As he does mine. I swallow hard.
"Well, um...I gotta sleep." But I can hear my stammer.
He bends his knees to give me a hug. Chaz's hands wrap around me. It's a tender hug. I can smell the ocean strong on him. My breath is growing heavier.
Chaz releases me, seeing my flushed face. I note how the ends of his mouth turn up, a tiny smile I can see.
"Well good night.." I say. Turning the handle, only to slam the door in his face.
It's not my ideal ending. But again typing phone!
Posted 08 February 2014 - 01:51 AM
Posted 08 February 2014 - 02:36 PM
Hi milly the *%^##! I'm so stoked that you liked it
Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:36 PM
The way you use dialog is effective, it sounds so natural.
You can have Felix if I can have Chaz.
He sounds, umm how do I put it - great?
I loved Chapter 2 and how fast you update.
We stand on my porch. I'm able to take a strong looking his eyes. As he does mine. I swallow hard.
Love that line.
God! Why did HE have to be blessed with large shoulders, a sweet and innocent face, and amazing hair? Why?
And that one two.
Hailee seems nice, you've given her a great voice. I cool name too.
I`ll check out the The Turquoise Pumps when I actually have time.
Anyway I have reading and homework to catch up on.
Just letting you know I`m reading and hope you update soon.
Man you have great talent and update quickly, thats almost unheard of.
Posted 09 February 2014 - 01:48 AM
Chapter three is here! though extremely short. Sorry.
I'm laying on my back. Just strong at my white ceiling. My black ceiling fan spinning around and around. I feel the air grazing my skin. Tickling my face almost as I think about tonight.
I feel horrible. I almost want to cry, but the emotions aren't strong enough. My window is wide open, letting the icy breeze graze across my skin.
The air calms my nerves. I'm able to replay tonight's events. Well, more like how I acted so horrendous and rude. God, I feel so bad.
My lip is my stress toy, chewing on it like a piece of gum. My breath is growing heavier with each thought of my behavior
Why couldn't I only just smiled graciously, and play along? No! I just had to slam the door on his face?
Not only odd I feel horrible but I also have to apologise. What am I going to do?
"I might just do some baking." I murmur to myself.
I roll on my side, slipping my hand under my head.
My bed is positioned brought by the window seal. So I'm able .tp gaze out into the beach and ocean. The sea is a liquid black, the rolling waves are gentle. The ebony water reflects the snow white moon, looking like a sequenced dress. It's magical, almost like a dream.
But yet I can't escape the thought of how bad I behaved. Why should I always be so graceful? Stereotypes.
The air is hot, with the humidity making it worse. The ground feels course salt, tickling my feet. I can't see anything. Are my eyes closed?
I take a blind step forward, falling into a hole. I may not see the hole, but I know that I'm free falling. The air has now changed to ice. It sends shivers down my spine as I glide through the air.
It takes mere minutes for me to hit the ground. The floor is not only cold, but extraordinary rocky. The jagged sharp rocks are driving into my back. The pain is so horrendous, I can feel the warm tears forming in my eyes. My voice is screaming loudly due to the pain.
My world is shaking. My father's voice is sounding worried. He keeps shaking my shoulder, trying to wake me up from my dream.
I flutter my eyelids open, seeing my dear father staring down at me. His eyes are large, full of concern. His bushy eyebrows are knitted tightly together. My dad takes a deep breath, before sitting on the edge of my bed.
I'm sweating, my neck is completely wet. I can feel the beads of sweat rolling down my face. I didn't realize how terrible dream it had been until I woke up.
"What happened?" I ask so quietly.
"Bad dream sweetie." He tells me, stroking my hair. "Go back to sleep."
I whimper, requesting that dad sings me a song.
"The willow tree is blowing in spring. The girl underneath is drawing and writing. When the sugar squirrel came to say hello-"
The sweet melody of the song, the delicate sound of my dad's voice, and the verses of the song lets me drift back to sleep.
I'm on the beach. It's the middle of summer, since this floral short dress is draped over my small frame. I look down to see this sky high heels, with a dang good pedicure.
My surroundings is so beautiful. The sun is high up in the baby blue sky. The sea water is slowly coming closer to me.
There is a small iron metal flower table. It's painted an cool ice color. There is a white vase with only one daisy in it. There is two place sets, with gorgeous white plates and napkins.
"You look amazing." A voice breaks my gaze.
I look up to see this extremely hot guy. Chaz.
My heart is jumping in my chest.
He is dressed in a full tuxedo, holding my favorite flowers. Chaz flashes a nervous grin, before handing me the flowers. He lets his curly hair flop into his eyes.
"Um, thank you." I say, giving him a shy smile. "You look so good."
Chaz laughs. Taking a few steps forward towards me. I swallow hard.
"The minute I saw you." He says so breathy. "I knew I was in love."
Now Chaz has his hand around my face. Cupping it so softly. I let out a heavy sigh. Trying not to pass out.
"And now I can do this."
I can feel this energy, a strong spark. Chaz leans in for kiss. I lean more into his shoulder. Now our lips are just a centimeter away. I can feel Chaz's breath on my neck.
That's when my alarm went off. Waking me up from the most intense dream I've ever had. I jump up from my bed. Only to find the guilt for waking up.
Posted 09 February 2014 - 09:08 AM
I'm gonna read the next chapter as soon as you update it!
Totally loving this,
Posted 09 February 2014 - 11:00 PM
So a thing I do is incorporate all my readers into the story. This is a long chapter this time
The smell of the sea and salt awakens my senses this morning. I'm sitting on the front porch, cupping my ceramic mug. I inhale deeply, feeling a smile across my lips. The sun is rising slowly, lighting up the sky ablaze. I can see the faint fog in the horizon. I sigh, praying that the sun will last for a while today.
I take a small sip of coffee, feeling the hot liquid burning the tip of my tongue. I rub my tongue against my teeth, neutralizing the pain.
"Muffin?" My dad says, stepping onto the porch. He has a five o'clock shadow and dark circles around his blue eyes.
"Please!" I reply, crossing my ankles.
My dad hands me an enormous muffin. It's wrapped in Saran wrap. There is a large sticker labeling it as a Blueberry Muffin.
I place the mug between my knees. Having my feet firmly on the ground. Trying to not move the rocking chair. I'm taking the Saran wrap with care and concentrate.
"You had a bad night, huh?" My dad asks. He sounds worried.
I look up, seeing my dad sitting on the wood bench swing. His eyes are big, full of concern. Eyebrows knitted tightly together. and his lips are pursed.
I nod, taking a small bite of muffin.
'Yeah," I say. Hoping he doesn't ask what I was dreaming. He doesn't.
"I might go for a run." I say rather quickly.
Finally he cracks a small smile. "You like it here don't you?"
I tilt my head to the right, feeling my hair tickle my face. I laugh, telling him how could I not love it here.
"Good." Dad says, his eyes are more relaxed. He told me he was going to the Farmers' Market. And if I wanted anything. I grin wide, requesting for strawberries.
My dad rises from his feet, tapping me on the shoulder before going back into the cottage.
I'm standing in my bedroom. Scrambling in the boxes looking for my exercise gear. I have decided to go on a beach run. The sun is out, the air is warm. And I'm bursting with energy.
After fifteen minutes of destroying my closet, I found my fitness wear.
My bathroom is a pearl color, having that slight shine. Every other tile has a shell imprint. Lots of light fills the room like turkey stuffing fills my belly. My mirror practically takes over one whole wall. I don't mind though.
I pull my hair back in a messy ponytail. Seeing how angular my face is. Grabbing my makeup bag from the draw, I quickly apply some mascara and lip balm. My capri style leggings are more like regular pants, fitting perfectly around d my ankles. Gosh, I am really small.
After about three layers of sport shirts and bras, I grab my hoodie and yell at my father
The ocean is calm, the small waves are so gentle when they crash. It's a gorgeous deep blue color. I can't help but think how fortunate I am.
Into the horizon I can see the grey fog rolling in rather vast. Yet, the clouds are barely around me. I note how snow white they are. And how they look like whip cream.
There is only one older woman on the beach. She seems to be throwing a stick or ball for her yellow Labrador.
I decide to run the opposite direction, to the left. I pop in my headphones, slipping my ipod into my pocket. I swallow hard before taking off.
The heavy bass and strong beats of Eminem gets me into a rhythm. Each step is on the beat. The sand is so soft and light, it lets me bounce with ease. Or maybe it's because of these new running shoes. Whatever it was, I'm enjoying the run.
I let my mind wonder, I keep thinking how lucky I am to escape the dark past and live here. How free I feel in this extremely small yet cute town. It's very peaceful. The energy of this town has relaxed me more than I could have imagined.
After a good forty-five minutes of a strong run, I can feel my legs are aching. But I won't give in. I must have been concentrating on Eminem's lyrics, since I didn't notice the large dog crashing into me.
I blackout for about second. I lay in the sand, feeling a sharp pain in my thigh. I wince as I try to move back onto my feet. I an hear in the distance a girl. She's yelling a dog's name, I think.
I press my hands on the sand, raising my body up from the ground.
"Oh my gosh! I apologise!" The girl says to me, rushing to my side.
"Markie is a pain, sometimes." The girl says, gripping my arm to help me up.
"Thanks." I say.
"No problem! So, I'm Sierra!" She says, thrusting her hand at me. "And you are?"
I take her hand, shaking it firmly. "Hailee."
She tells me she's glad to meet me. And apologies for her dog again.
Sierra has striking blue eyes hidden underneath her strawberry blonde hair. Freckles are scattered across her petite squared face.
Sierra gives me a friendly smile. Asking me if I was new. I tell her I moved here a few weeks ago.
As I say this, a beastly dog prances towards Sierra. I assume this is Markie?
"Markie is half pitbull and American bulldog." Sierra says, plopping down into the warm sand. I follow suit.
"Interesting name." I comment.
"First letter of each of our names in the family." "I thought your name was Sierra?" I ask, knitting my brows together.
"Rose-Sierra." She corrects me. "See it's Melissa, Aaron, Rose, Keira, Isabel Evans."
"Got it, that makes Markie." I nod now understanding.
Sierra smiles, then leans forward and grabs my hands."there is a summer party tonight at my house!"
Sierra is now grinning widely.
"You should come!" She says, in a giggly voice.
"Umm...okay." I stutter.
"One thing though, I need to use your oven."
Although Im confused, I give her my address. She smiles, before saying that she had to go home and do some baking.
I smile, telling my new friend good bye.
Posted 10 February 2014 - 08:29 AM
I had a huge grin on my face when I read that "Rose-Sierra" part!
And now to the story.The story's great. I love you for the way you update your story so fast! Keep up the good work! Ammmaaaazing....
Will check out TTP when I find time!
Posted 10 February 2014 - 10:04 AM
this story is freakin' awesome! I think I'm in love with Chaz. I think I'll like Sierra too. Haliee's dad sounds a lot like my father. I'll check out The Turquoise Pumps soon, once I get the time. by the way, you should seriously publish this!
Posted 10 February 2014 - 12:05 PM
I agree with Bushra, this is awesome. I suck at commenting.
Chapter 3: You really seem to grasp the way we naturally act and work it into your writing, I hope that makes sense.
I love her dreams, especially the second one.
Mmmm, that was interesting to say the least. So cute.
I like the way you begin your chapters, it works.
Her guilt was interesting and the description in that first passage was great.
Yes, her dad seems really nice - he obviously cares about her a lot.
Chaz sounds unnaturally hot.
The dreams chapter was brilliant, I liked the format, the descriptive techniques and how it was somehow not too cliche.
The ending was so damn perfect.
Chapter 4: The dialog with her dad is so sweet.
Your writing is realistic, very realistic.
The subtle aspects to your writing is what seems to make it so good
If only I could get my writing to flow the way yours does.
Sierra is so easy to imagine and picture it's frightening.
You really do have talent, being able to do that.
I envy the way your writing flows too much.
She needs to use her oven?
I missed Chaz a little though.
Wonder what happens next.
So you better update.
Posted 10 February 2014 - 11:14 PM
Bushra: I do update fast. I don't want to lose readers! Thank you for moving it. I never thought people would read it!
Millie: how wonderful it is to see your comments! you are awesome.e for saying those nice things I didn't really think I was good so thank you!
The doorbell rings loudly in the house. My dad is out and around the town. So I'm all alone, until now
Standing at the door is Sierra. She's still dressed in what she had on this morning. White cutoff shorts with a neon pink shirt tied to her small waist. She is holding on to cookie trays full of ingredients. Around her wrist is a large overnight bag.
I welcome Sierra into the home. In a heartbeat she thrusts me all the pans.
"God, those things are heavy."
She stomps into the house, dropping her overnight bag on the floor.
"Dang! This place is the bomb!" Sierra comments.
I laugh, walking her into the kitchen. I place the trays on the black granite top. It makes a loud clanging sound.
"Oh my god!" Sierra yells with glee. "In love with your shirt!"
I look down to see my black sleeveless shirt with red letters spelling out the word Kiss. I had changed into some thing rather causal after my run and shower. I'm wearing these slouchy ripped denim jeans with black flip flops.
"Awe, thank you!" I say, accepting the compliment. "I love the band."
"Me as well!"
It takes me a minute to realise I'm kind of looking down at Sierra. Is it possible she's shorter than me? I think so.
Sierra starts pulling out ingredients out of the trays, there are bulk-sized chocolate chips, oatmeal, shaved coconut, flour....
"What are we making?" I ask, puzzled.
Sierra looks up at me with a creepy grin.
"Choconut bars!" Jumping in the air. "It's chocolate with coconut and oatmeal. Bake for twenty minutes and BAM!" I jump back when Sierra slaps her hands together. "One delicious treat."
I nod, asking what she needs.
"Bowls? Cups? Spoons? An oven?"
She laughs at my joke. Demanding for all of it. I attend to her needs, opening every cupboard and drawer. By this time, Sierra has found the scissors and is opening al the packages.
"Turn the oven on at 350 degrees." She requests. I oblige.
"Want some chocolate chips to nibble on?" Sierra asks just like a mom would.
I tell her of course.
"What's your favorite bands?" I ask, making small talk. Slipping my hand in the Nestle bag, grabbing a handful of chips.
"Everything really...do you have sugar?"
I scramble to the cupboard, pulling out everything I had.
"Brown or white?"
"Both!" She shrieks. "Don't you just love sweets?"
I hand her the hefty bags of sugar.
"I love pies." I tell her, sticking my hand into the chocolate chips bag.
"Yes!" Sierra says, eyes wide. She is using one of my ceramic bowls, stirring in the dry ingredients. "Keep stirring this. Please?"
She hands me the bamboo cooking spoon. Sierra starts pouring in all the chips, and coconut into another plastic bowl.
"Where do you keep the eggs and butter?"
I look over my shoulder, seeing Sierra contemplating whether or not to rummage through my refrigerator.
"In the fridge. Top left shelf." I continue mixing, pressing down with my shoulder.
Sierra returns, slamming the eggs and butter down on the table.
"Thank you." She murmurs
It's almost inaudible, but I catch it. I feel a my lips forming a small smile.
"Why?" I ask very sweetly.
"Well you are a life saver for letting me do this baking."
I watch from the corner of my eye, I see Sierra throwing all wet ingredients, she practically empties the coconut, chocolate chips as well as half the bag of brown sugar.
She moves over to my side, adding a decent amount of white sugar. Sierra tells me to continue mixing.
"So um...out of curiosity." I stammer. "Why do you have an overnight bag?"
I hear her chuckle. I guess my voice sounds more worried than anything else.
"Don't worry," Sierra says calmly. "I'm not going to use your oven and crash at your place"
I shake my head kind of understanding.
"Okay, pour the dry in the wet." She says, taking the bowl away from me. "I wanted you to do a sleepover with me and my friends!"
I can feel a large spark of happiness in my belly.
I never really had a friend that was so comfortable in my house that she would rummage through my boxes.
"At this party," She says "you cannot show up on jeans and a tee."
My mouth makes a small O.
Right now, Sierra has her hair in a loose bun. She has taken her shirt off, while scrambling through my box that labels 'shoes'.
Sierra realised that she left her heels at her house. And she told me she needed to make a grand entrance with a grand friend. I'm rather pleased by that term.
My closet seems small when I glare at it from a distance. I keep flipping the rack, judging each piece.
Blue? Multi? Short? Tacky? I keep aggravating myself.
"Oh my god! This heels are mine!" Sierra yells with glee.
She is slipping her petite feet in these nude platform shoes I had gotten when I was about fourteen. The days of size six shoes seemed huge.
"You can have them. They don't fit me."
Sierra comes running into the closet, and gives me a large hug. "Thank you. Thank you"
I laugh, finally deciding on this floral romper. I'm shimmy out of my casual wear in the closet. It fits lose on the top, but form around my hips.
I walk out of my closet, hunching over the shoe box. I pull out this cute peep toe black pumps. I stumble into the bathroom, gosh I need to walk in tall shoes more, seeing my sweet friend applying lipstick on her full lips.
Sierra folks up into the mirror, seeing me. Her eyes widen, mouth dropping.
"You look so stunning." Sierra tells me. Having a gleam in her eyes that almost choke up. She has no idea how wonderful it is to have a friend.
The party is about three blocks away. The music is cranked up loud, I can feel it vibrating through Sierra's car. I'm holding the cookie, what was the dessert called?, tray in my lap. The smell is so amazing, I'm surprised I haven't grabbed a taste.
"My house party." Sierra sighs heavily.
I laugh, managing to open the car door. Okay, it was a little difficult.
Once on my feet, I can feel the strong breeze of the ocean. I shiver, handing my friend the tray.
Sierra has these cute light curls in her red-like hair. She has this killer frame underneath that geometric fit and flare dress.
"I want you to meet some of my friends!"
I look up to notice that she's already up the steps and standing on the porch. And that's where I saw him.
We've made it to chapter five! *high fives to all readers*
Posted 11 February 2014 - 08:51 AM
Ok. I suck.
I promise you I'll finish reading the whole story after the exams!
Posted 11 February 2014 - 11:36 AM
That was quite possibly my favourite chapter.
And Chaz was in it too. Yes, yes, yes.
"Don't you just love sweets?"(Stupid thing won't let me quote stuff.)
Anyway that line made me laugh so much, I was practically crying.
Sierras awesome, I can imagine her so vividly.
The cooking made me hungry, but I think we`'ve established I'm always hungry.
I love this so much.
You're a little writing machine writing such great stuff in so little time, maybe you've got squirrels locked in a workhouse working for you. Now I sound like one of my mates, great.
Your dialog and description are both spot on, oh how I envy you.
So Chaz, can't wait for the next chapter.
Posted 11 February 2014 - 09:57 PM
Meg_Rulez: take your time!
Milly: why do all your comments bring me glee? Your words me cry so muchh I never thought any one would like my writing so thank you.
My heart is jumping in my chest. He gives me a smirk, before giving Sierra a hug. I swallow hard, before remembering to grab my overnight bag.
When I slam the door, I look up seeing the tall godly like person staring at me. Almost with admiration.
"Hi, Chaz." I can even hear my voice sounding nervous.
"Did you know," my breath is gone. "That you are the most prettiest girl here?"
I chuckle, "I guess you can't see well."
Chaz flashes a grin. I throw my overnight bag over my shoulder, moving towards to sweet cream colored Victorian house.
"Let me carry that." Chaz suggests, pointing towards my navy bag.
Before I can answer, he grabs it from me. Saying in a sing-song voice.
I roll my eyes. God, it wa hard to act like I wasn't interested. My heart is slamming against my chest. I can hardly breath from being in this presence. Or was that the bra that is on one hook to many.
I take my time walking up the steps. I keep praying that I don't twist my ankle. That's when I feel a warm hand gripping around my arm.
"I gotcha." Chaz whispers in my ear.
I spin around to stare at him, once on the hard wood porch. "Thank you."
I thought I was whispering but it's from the loud music .
"No problem." He yells to me. "I wanted to ask you."
"What?" I scream.
"Ask you if you would go to lunch or dinner. With me?"
I laugh, not because I thought it was a silly question. But it's because I'm so nervous. Is he really asking me out . I can't breath.
"Just say yes." Chaz wraps his hands around my. "Just say yes."
How could I reject staring into his eyes?
I don't remember names well. I just don't. Yet, Sierra is determined to introduce me to all of her friends.
I ditched my overnight bag in Sierra's pink and purple Moroccan style bed room. And am now in the middle of her living room. I'm sitting on a black leather sofa. My feet are propped up on this laquer coffee table. I'm actually exhausted from standing around everyone's names.
"This seat taken?" Asks a shy voice. I look up .to see this stunning girl. She's dressed in a pink and gold dress. Her shiny black hair is in a wavy ponytail, strands framing her heart shaped face
"No, I'm waiting for my friend."
She takes a seat, giving me a smile.
"I'm Hailee." I introduce myself.
"Bushra. Nice to meet you." Her eyes are warm.
"Where are the drinks?" I ask Bushra. Referring to her red plastic cup.
"Oh, it's by the kitchen area." She tells me.
I press my hands down on the leather sofa to get up.
"Take mine." Bushra says, handing me the cup. "Just stay. You seem nice and I'm rather quiet."
I oblige. Who wouldn't?
Within seconds Sierra appears. She has a firm hand around an upper arm of another one of her friends. I note how Bushra jumps up from her seat and gives the girl a hug.
The girl has straight as an arrow blonde hair. I catch these long chandelier blue earrings that are hidden behind those goldenlocks. She is a long striped black and white dress, it's so flattering for her hourglass shape.
"Hailee, Hailee, Hailee." Sierra screams in excitement. "This is Milly."
The girl-Milly-thrusts out her hand.
"I can't wait to have a sleepover with you"
I wish my jaw could drop to the floor. Her voice is so smooth like music. I notice she has a slight British accent.
I can feel the excitement mixing in my stomach
I know it's short but this is probably one of my favorite chapters haha tell me what you think guys
Posted 12 February 2014 - 11:08 AM
Yay, I`m first to comment.
Chaz is so adorable.
So charming and aww, how could she even try and resist him ?
I love the way you used our names.
Milly and I are so different, apart from the accent and maybe the colours of her dress.
Sierra is madly awesome., so hyper.
You write Sierra so well, she's so easy to imagine, it's great.
Sierra`s friends seem nice.
The effortless seeming description - how I envy it.
Another great, well written chapter.
I love Chaz, by the way, it's official.
Can't wait for Chapter 7.
Edited by BonkersBookworm78, 12 February 2014 - 11:09 AM.
Posted 12 February 2014 - 11:51 AM
Alex- great writing! Will be eagerly waiting for next chapter!
Posted 12 February 2014 - 07:06 PM
Sierra: I think that's an amazing idea enjoy the chapter below
Chapter Seven is here haha yay
Millie has this special aura. It's like everything she does is classy. Millie sitting right beside of me on the sofa. Her legs are crossed revealing her black ankle boots. She has her straight hair curled behind her ear. I can't help but feel imitated by her. Not because Millie seemed mean, just by her coolness.
"What bands to you like?" She asks me, shifting her weight to look at me.
"Well I like the Gorillaz."
Her face lights up, "I love them!"
Within minutes we were chatting about everything. From bands to movies to boyfriends.
Right now, Millie is talking about her long distance relationship with Everett.
Millie's face is so radiant when she talks about him. Her eyes are bright, shining with glee.
"We've been going out for almost nine months."
I give her a smile, asking if she got to visit him.
"Yeah, I visit every three months to London." She tells me, cupping my hands. I notice how tears are forming. I can see she loves Everett, and it's hard to be ten thousand miles away.
"Wanna see a picture?" She asks, eyes wide open. I nod, before feeling someone pressing their hand on my back.
I look up to see that Chaz is sitting on the sofa's arm. He has a large grin, his dark curly hair flopping into his intense eyes. I couldn't help but smile at him, feeling his warm hand rubbing along my back.
"This is Elliot." Millie says, directing my eyes to her iPhone.
The photo shows Millie and Elliott standing in a park. It must be Autumn, since all the leaves were bright orange, yellow and red. The couple are standing underneath a large tree.
Elliott isn't how I imagined him. He must be three or four inches tall than Millie. The dark hair really pops out his blue eyes. Elliot has this arm around Millie, holding her tightly. Millie is flashing a wide grin. She's wear this black lace dress with a large amount of pearl necklaces. She stands on her tip toes in solid shiny Dr. Martens.
"You look so happy."I say softly. But when I look up, I regret it. Seeing how she misses him deeply.
The party finished just a little before twelve. The place is trashed. Red cups are everywhere. Food crumbs and trash scattered on the floor. It was obvious we were going to do a lot of cleaning.
Now, I was upstairs sitting on Sierra's cream carpet. I'm sharing a bowl of trail mix with Bushra. Sierra is contemplating on what games to play. Millie is in Sierra's bath room , changing into pajamas. There was only the four of us, but I was having fun playing True or Dare with Bushra.
"Truth or Dare?" Bushra asks, throwing a handful of peanuts in her mouth.
"Truth?" I say unsure about my choice.
Sierra turns around, having a devilish smile.
"Do you have the hots for Chaz?" Sierra asks.
I freeze. I knew the answer. But should I say?
"Yes! Do tell!" Millie says, wearing a graphic tee of AC/DC and black sleeping shorts.
I can hear the girls scream with glee and excitement
"No one is ever interested in him." Bushra says to Sierra.
My eyebrows knit together with curiosity. "Why?"
All three girls look at me with pity. Millie was the one whip broke the silence.
"His girlfriend of two years was killed in a car accident."
And all of a sudden I felt a little special.
I didn't press on Chaz's situation. Sierra decided to make us all do karaoke. Millie and Sierra made fools of themselves singing "Funky Town."
They had dressed up in bell bottom pants, platform shoes with neon color makeup. Both sang out of tune, Bushra and I were rolling on the floor with laughter.
Next up was Bushra singing Katy Perry "Extraterrestrial" song. She had braided small strands of her hair before securing in a ponytail.
Bushra stands in front of the microphone, singing each note like she was Mariah Carey. And she sounds just like Adele. I could only dream to sing like that.
Once finished all three looked at me with devilish smiles.
I cannot believe I'm walking in these hooked like boots that Sierra has. I think they are five or six inches. The patent leather hits to about my thighs. I'm wearing this short summer dress I had packed in my overnight bag, not realising how the wrong shoes could me look tacky.
I'm in Sierra's bathroom, applying the last finishing touches. My hair is teased out, and is rather high. Can't help but think not to get near a ceiling fan.
I stare at myself in the mirror. I have blue and black eyeliner across my eyelids. My lips are a blood red.
When I walk out the bathroom just hearing the roaring laughter. I can't help but crack a smile.
"Workin' 9 to 5,
What a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by
It's all takin' and no givin'
They just use your mind" I sing into the microphone. Channeling my inner Dolly Parton.
I look at my friends, seeing them gigging only makes me think about how I can't believe I'm here. With amazing friends whom I love already.
I think this is one of my favorites!
Tell me Whatcha think?
Posted 12 February 2014 - 07:27 PM
Waiting for the next amazing chapter!
Posted 13 February 2014 - 01:10 PM
Oh my gosh, about Chaz I mean.
I get that she feels special, but heck I would freak out.
But I freak out about everything, so maybe that's normal.
And she's so happy anyway.
I agree with Rose, this chapter was my favourite, it was so shocking.
But Chapter Five, was where I really started to envy your writing ability with passion.
Why must everything I do be awkward?
Millie sounds awesome, she exudes cool the way I exude awkwardness.
Everett sounds handsome, what a sweet couple.
The way Chaz suddenly appeared.
I want Millie`s outfit in the photo, I've asked for Doc Martens for my birthday.
The emotion, oh the emotion.
You wrote the truth or dare dialog remarkably well.
Karaoke = hilarious.
Everything's so happy, I suppose it won't last long.
Can't wait for the next chapter. Me want more Chaz.
Posted 13 February 2014 - 10:52 PM
Millie: thank you Chaz is a dream isn't he? You ate awesome at comments!
Three Years Ago
I came home from volleyball. I threw my gym bag on the floor. My whole body is sweaty from the difficult practice. My hair is sticky to my face, as I walk into the kitchen. I pour myself a glass of water, plopping two or three pieces of ice to make it cool.
The cold water goes down so easy, refreshing my dry throat. I make another glass before going into my bedroom.
My room is full of posters, of musicians and actresses. Some posters even had inspiring quotes. Light is extremely frugal. I have fairy lights along the top of my bedframe. I sigh, before place my glass on my bedside table. I remove my volleyball shirt, throwing it on the ground. That's when I heard it.
I grab my glass to take a sip before yelling out to my mother. After no respond, I decide to wander into the master bedroom.
The master suite is insanely large, with a California king sized bed welcoming you. Pictures are placed everywhere on the walls. I smile seeing a picture on the wall of my family grinning brightly.
"Mom?" I call out, feeling the carpet tickling my feet.
I walk into the master bathroom.
She is laying on the floor. Her eyes are open, staring flat the ceiling her pink nights is hitched up, showing bruise marks bigger than my palm. My mother is clutching a bottle of prescription bottle.
I scream in horror, dropping my glass on the floor.
Rosemont is showing its colder weather. The fog is moving in, giving it a cool feeling. Sierra is persistent that she walks me home. I have my back slouched over, carrying my overnight bag. I borrowed a sweater to pull over my summer dress.
"So," Sierra says, pressing her hand on my should. "Your neighbors are doing a beach party tonight!"
I give her a sly look, before laughing.
"C'mon! You know a special someone wants to meet you." Her voice is going high.
I roll my eyes, watching my friend skipping down the road.
"You're nuts!" I yell at her, seeing my friend wearing high waisted shorts and a heavy sweater. Sierra looks back at me, sticking out her tongue.
We both stop at the steps of my grey home. She gives me a tight squeeze, letting me know that she was coming by at six to get ready. I smile, running up the stairs. I open the door, yelling for my dad when I stop mid-sentence.
There standing in front of me is a tall dark-haired woman.
My mouth drops, as does my bag.
Because this woman is my mother
We made it to chaptr 8 crazy awesome
Thaiis a more shorts and darker chapter
Tell me Whatcha thin
Posted 14 February 2014 - 10:01 AM
oh my god I love it!
I love chapter 7 too! You used my name! and the way your character Bushra wears her hair up, I wear my hair up like that too!
I like chapter 8, It's so mysterious. I mean, her mum's dead, and then, she suddenly sees her mum actually STANDING there in front of her.
Waiting for the next chappie.
Posted 14 February 2014 - 11:32 AM
I`m a little confused, but life is confusing.
Anyway, Chapter Eight - The Dark Chapter.
As usual brilliant, if slightly gory description.
The ending left me in suspense.
I love Sierra`s personality, she`s great.
Sorry, I`m slightly in shock about it all.
(Sits next to Bushra,) Waiting for the next chapter too.
Posted 14 February 2014 - 01:20 PM
Can't wait for the next chapter!!! (So not joining Millie and Bushra!!! Instead asks them to come join me and cheer you write more awesome chapters!!! )
Posted 14 February 2014 - 04:21 PM
She stands with a wide grin on her face.
My mom's skin is now an olive colored. Her eyes are sunk into her skull. Her cheek bones are sharp, revealing her heavy drug usage. Her teeth are discoloured, and her grin looks like she's stretching her skin. My mother's lush long black hair is thin and grey. She looks startling thin, her legs are like toothpicks. My mother is more of a ghost than human
"Get out!" I yell at her.
She still has a huge smile, taking a step closer towards me. I put my hand in front me.
"Stay away!" I scream, my eyes filling full of salty tears. "Stay away from me!"
My mother doesn't listen. She keeps walking.
"Get away!" I shout.
"Baby, I'm home." She coos, like she's Holly Homemaker.
"You're not suppose to be here." How did she find us?
My back is pressed tightly against the door. How did she find us? How did she leave the rehabilitation center?
"I'm home, Poppy." I clench my fists at the sound of my nickname. "I'm going to take care of you."
"H-how did you leave?" I break through my thick tears to speak. My tears are burning my cheeks due to the warmth.
"It wasn't hard." Chuckling, trying to reach out to touch me. But I move to the right, escaping from her touch.
Once discovering her body, I lcrushed to the living room. I grabbed the home phone at the side table of our oversized couch. My tears are making it hard to see as my fingers tremble. I press those three numbers I never thought I'd ever dialed.
"911, what's your emergency?" The voice is a woman who sounds like a very calm lady
"My mom just had-had a d-drug overdose!" I stutter, my tears are streaming down my face.
"Calm down, miss. Now when did this occur?" She talks with such ease.
"I came home from practice about ten mintues ago," fluttering my eyes to the wall clock. "I found her on the bathroom floor."
"What is your address?"
"1818 Cherry Hill St. Mckine Valley, North Carolina, 28147."
"Alright, stay on the line. EMS will be there shortly."
I placed her on speaker phone, so if any questions I could answer. My bag is by the front door. I decide to grab my cell phone to call dad.
My breathing is still heavy, the tears are burning my eyes.I can help but repeAt the image of my mother in my head. I cry harder as I dial my father's number.
"Hey, poppy!" His voice is cheery. I dent thank I blurt out to come home.I tell him mom is dead or almost dead
"I had to break out." Her voice is cracking, her eyes are gleaming. "Needed to see my baby."
"You broke out of the institution?!"
Her smile is growing wider, as if she was proud she tracked my family down.
My father and I are in the waiting room. My tears are dried, rubbing cheeks back to life. My father has his head buried into his hands. He looks like a mess. My father's hair is going every which way. His eyes are blood red from the tears, and anger.
We've been waiting, waiting for doctors to pump her stomach. Waiting to see a man or woman in a white coat to come out to say my mom's condition
I think we've been here for about three hours. The hospital is extraordinarily white, the seats are itchy I notice. Maybe because of the grey tweed. The air is freezing cold, I figure wearing this tank top with my volley ball shorts wasn't smart.
My lip has turned into a chew toy. My anticipation is growing each second. My concern is worse. I'm afraid that tonight I'll be planning a funeral.
Just as I think this, a doctor calls out my father's name.
I look up to see this short man with thick Coke bottle glasses. The doctor is heavy-set and has a booming voice. I can hear him, and I'm a good twenty feet away.
"We gave her a dose of activated carbon as well as naloxone."
"What does that do?" My father tries to speak calmly but he sounds more startled.
"Decontamintion. She had high doses of Oxycodone, Morphine, and Methodone. Also mixed with alcohol."
My slaps his hand across his mouth.
How did she get a hold of those drugs? Neither of us take those addictive drugs. Who could she have gotten them from?
All my friends, and family dropped me like a hot potato after discovering my mom was a drug addict. My father was fired from his job, exiled from anything in Mckine Valley. We decided my mother needed to be in a strict drug rehabilitation center in Pennsylvania. Anything to restart my mother's life. She was given a second chance, she need wouldn't just throw it away.
She stands before me, bringing back those horrid memories. The tears grow worse with each thought. My knees feel like buckling, my hands are trembling of fright. I hated this woman. She destroyed my life, ruining everything I had ever known. As I think this, th front door knob wiggling. The door cracks open. My father standing in the doorway gazing at something he once loved.
I know it's confusing but I have more hidden for this story! Whatcha think?
Posted 15 February 2014 - 04:18 AM
I can't believe you're already at Chapter Nine.
I'm less confused now, in its own creepy way it was a perfect chapter.
The last line was brilliant, so fitting.
Her old friends seem so stupid, what horrible people to suddenly drop a friend, because of her mother.
I feel angry for her.
It's her father I really feel sorry for, he seems like a nice guy.
Her mother sounds frightening and selfish.
Technically it was perfect, but a little vivid and a slight bit disturbing.
As I mentioned before you have talent.
Please update soon.
Posted 15 February 2014 - 10:04 AM
"My father standing at the doorway gazing at something he once loved" Touching line.
Waiting for more.... I don't know what else I should tell. I'm just slowly realising her mom is not actually dead but a major drug addict....
Still trying to understand how selfish her mom is/ maybe there is something "behind-the-scene" story that pushed her into drugs......
Okay,fine,I'm being crazy.
Posted 15 February 2014 - 10:40 PM
Night has set. The moon is peeping my window. The light is streaming into my bedroom. My knees are pulled into my chest, the tears are stained on my cheeks.
I'm sitting on my window seal, glaring down at Rosemont. The town is quiet, hardly a soul is conscious. I'm clutching my teddy bear, it was my safety net.
The air is hot. Humidity is making my hair stick to my face. My whole body is hot and sweaty. I guess this is what it feels like during springtime in Rosemont.
I'm wearing my hair in a tight bun, trying to let my neck breath. The plaid sleeper shorts. I'm wearing are sticking to my thighs.
I can feel the wind, it brushes against my face. Blowing the strands out my face. I look down .ar my teddy bear. Staring into it's black eyes. It's large happy eyes. I smile, rubbing my thumb at the plastic pleasant eyes.
I think of everything that happened today. The fun food fight I had this morning. Playing dress up and dancing vigorously to Beyonce.
I come home to a crazed drug addict known as my mother. A person who I trusted, loved and cared for. A person promising safety. A woman my dad was madly in love with.
I remember him telling me how he would walk by her house. Bringing her flowers, candy and poems. Until finally she agreed on a date. He told me ever since he knew she was the one girl for him.
Now watching the cops come and whisk her away back to Pennsylvania. Watching the metamorphosis turning a woman full of life into a prescription drug addict.
I'm crying at the short conversation that I had with Sierra. It was rather awkward explaining to her about my situation.
"Your mom is in rehab?"
"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
I'm terrified that Sierra isn't going to want to know me after knowing about my mother. Everything that I had tried to keep, start and love is going to be trashed.
It's quiet, all I can hear is my deep cries, and my heart slamming up and down. I'm interrupted from feeling sorry for myself by hearing someone throwing rocks into my window.
I felt something hit my knee. Another hitting my face. They aren't stone, but Hershey's kisses. I peer out my window.
Standing there in a full suit, holding roses is Chaz. He gives me a shining smile.
"I'll be down in a second." I can hear my laugh. Gosh, I thought I lost it.
Chaz is sitting on the steps before my porch. I wrap a large sweater around me. Pointless I know but I felt like to be respectful. I open the door, seeing the sweetest giant in the world. Chaz looks over his shoulder, a smirk across his lips. I walk out to sit next to him. We don't speak at first. Just each other's presence is enough. He places a small Hershey's kiss on my thigh. I look up at him with such admiration.
"I thought you were going to have a party tonight?" I ask, eyeing his house. Quiet.
He nods, watching me pop the kiss in my mouth.
"I heard you couldn't come."
"Sierra?" Tears forming into my eyes.
He sighs. "You're killing me."
Chaz rubs his thumb across my cheek. Before handing me the flowers.
"Thanks." I say softly. I press my head on his shoulder. "For taking care of me."
Chaz puts his arm around me. I notice how his arm can wrap around me. Gosh, his arm is long! I look up at him, staring into his eyes. Those eyes full of wonder.
"Y'know," he says coolly "Sierra set this up?"
I don't knew why he felt like he needed to tell me. Maybe because he could feel my uneasy thoughts about my life here.
Chaz gives me a tight squeeze. He smells of ocean breeze. His cologne is strong and refreshing. I can hear Chaz's faint heart beat against his chest.
Chaz pulls my chin up. Gazing deep into my eyes. He flutters his eyes to my lips.
Wait. He's not going do what I think he's going to do?
Chaz leans in close. And closer. I tilt my head up at his lips.
That's how we kissed!
Hi Millie! Hi Rose! Y'all make me smile thank you! How did we get .tp chapter 10?
Tell me Whatcha think!
Posted 16 February 2014 - 03:52 AM
To be honest,I'm running out of words to appreciate this story and you!!
The story is *searching my brain for a word*
Ha! Got a word! This story is filled with Awesomesauce!!!
Waiting for the next twister chapter!
Posted 16 February 2014 - 04:39 AM
Only just recovered, the ending - oh my gosh I feel like I've eaten a ton of chocolate.
The beginning was a little depressing, but how could it not be?
Love the description and the story about her parents.
Chaz is so kind, lovely, handsome, sweet, adorable, cute, hot, awesome, great.
Sorry this comment is kinda lame, blame Chaz and his adorableness, making me a little speechless.
Still hungry for another update.
Posted 16 February 2014 - 04:41 AM
oh my god they finally KISSED!
I agree with Rose.
I cannot find a word for your awesome writing.
Your writing= incrediable.
Posted 16 February 2014 - 09:46 PM
Millie: well I'm glad you like it! Isn't Chaz a dream?
Bushra: i! Thank you thank you so glad you like!
I saw stars and fireworks.
My heart is pounding against my chest with excitement. Is this a dream? I can't tell but I'm not complaining.
Chaz slides his hand around my lower back. Bringing me more into his shoulder. I throw my arms around his neck, slipping my one hand into his lush dark curly hair. I can feel his hand rising up my back. Goosebumps cover my body from Chaz's cool touch. He and I pull apart. My lips saddened by that motion.
He gazes at me, his nose barely touching my forehead. Chaz smiles, kissing my nose. I can't help but let out chuckle.
Chaz pulls away, eyebrows knitted together. His eyes full of confusion. I flash a smirk, placing my petite hand around his jawline.
"This seems surreal." I say breathless.
He laughs, pulling my petite hand off. He kisses it lightly.
"Why me?" I ask. "Why chase after the new girl?"
Chaz looks surprised by my question. He chews his lip. He cups my hands, swallowing hard.
"Because you're worth chasing after." Kissing me.
I woke up to the loud sound of the seagulls. I flutter my eyes open. I realise I had fallen asleep on the swinging bench.
The sun has turned the sky a gorgeous red-pink. I pull my upper body up, being about to see the glorious ocean reflecting the pigment of the sky. The ocean is calm, not even a wave is forming. The air is refreshing. Awakening my senses.
I sink back down into the swinging bench. My toes barely touching the arm rest. I pull my oversized sweater over my shoulders. The air is cooler than anticipated.
I smile at myself with the thought of HIM. Chaz is the dream man. The one you read stories about.
The front door opens slowly, I look over my shoulder seeing dad carrying two mugs in his hands.
"Hi." I say, my voice sounds groggy.
"Morning sweets." Handing me a cup of hot chocolate.
The beverage tastes so good. I tell him thank you.
"You okay?" Dad asks, taking a seat.
"Oh, about mom? I was rather shocked."
I can't lie to my father. Telling him seeing mom in that state was totally fine didn't seem right.
"Yeah," he says softly. "I'm sorr-"
"Don't say that." I cut him off. "It's not your fault."
He nods. "How'd you wind up there?" Gesturing to me sleeping on the bench.
I laugh, before taking a sip of hot chocolate.
"Well?" Dad is expecting an answer.
"A friend came by to make sure I was okay."
Dad smiles, but he gives me that look
You know that look parents give you? They shoot you a glaring look while raising eyebrows.
I just grin widely.
Sierra came by today. She brought about four to five pans full of baked goods.
I happened to be in my room when I spotted her car pull up in the driveway.
I literally ran down the stairs. Feeling my hair swinging across my shoulder blades. I open the door widely, welcoming her.
She waltz right into my kitchen. Throwing down the dishes. Giving me a dirty look.
"We have cookies, pies, and chocolate bars."
I look at her extremely confused. I'm still standing by the door.
"What," she says coolly. "Are friends for?"
I run and leap to give her a hug. The tears running down my cheeks.
Was it what you were expecting?
Posted 17 February 2014 - 03:38 AM
You just made me love Chaz even more.
I didn't think that was possible.
The dialog was so sweet.
Yes Chaz is the dream man.
Her dad's awesome.
Sierra is such a good friend, I wish I had one like her.
You're a genius creating such likeable characters.
New update please, I'm missing Chaz already.
Posted 17 February 2014 - 08:54 AM
I LOVE IT. I love the way the story is going.
And No I didn't see that one coming!
Hungry for more....
Posted 17 February 2014 - 09:35 PM
"Oh my god!" Sierra says mockingly. "Don't get mushy on me!"
I pull away from her.
"Sorry," I speak softly. "I thought you wouldn't want to know me due to my mom."
She scoffs, shaking my shoulders.
"Time to eat!" She tells me, Sierra helps herself to dishes and utensils. "I've spent all night, and most of the morning making these treats."
I ask her why. Watching her cutting me a doorstopper slice of pie.
"Where is the whip cream?" Sierra asks, already looking into my fridge.
"Look in the-
"Found it!" She yells. Sierra takes the plastic top off, spraying a mountain full of whip cream. Sierra cuts the same size, and piling on the whip cream.
We walk out on my back porch. We overlook this lush grass. It's a bright ficus color, smelling so fresh. The porch is an older wooden porch, creaking with each step. There is a small iron French style table painted a bright yellow.
I place my ceramic plate on the table, my stomach anxious and hungry to taste the cherry pie. Sierra hands me a fork, sliding into the chair.
It doesn't take me long to dive into the pie. The crust is buttery, melt in your mouth delicious. The filling is tangy, yet sweet. The perfect combination. I can't stop commenting how yummy this is.
"Oh my god! Just marry it!" Sierra rolls her eyes, laughing. Her tongue is the rich red color. She drops her spoon, locking her fingers together. While resting her face on the back of her hands.
Sierra flutters her eyes, a large grin across her face.
"Tell me about Chaz?" A giggle escapes her lips.
"What did you tell him?" I ask, scraping the last bits off the plate.
"That you weren't coming. And you needed some comfort."
"Thank you!" I say sing-song like. Picking up my plate and jetting to the kitchen.
I think I've eaten my weight of sugary treats. But it was so worth it. The delicious cherry pie, coconut chocolate cookies and peanut butter and oatmeal bars.
God! I'm in heaven!
Sierra has decided to go through my closet. She is literally trying on every piece of clothing I have. I'm lounging across my bed, still eating on one of these peanut butter and oatmeal bars.
"I love this!" Sierra says, waltzing out of my closet. She is dressed in this long navy dress, while trying to stand up straight in my platform shoes.
"You're actually tall!" I tease.
She flipse off, before going back into the closet. "Are you coming to Poorvi's party tonight?"
"Who's?" I ask, shoving this bar into my mouth. So going back down stairs.
"Oh! You don't know her," Sierra laughs "Poorvi is extremely sweet."
"Ah!" I say, "I'm going down stairs to grab some treats. Want anything?"
"Slice of pie!" Just seeing my clothes flying out of my closet.
My father is in the living room. I can hear the TV playing loud. The kitchen is rather bright, full of natural light.
I grab a knife from the draw, cutting a petite slice of pie. I'm not stupid, I'm going to save as much of these sugar delights as I can. I place the slice of pie on the white ceramic plate.
"Hey dad!" I yell, pulling out a small wedge of the bar. Plopping it on my plate.
"Yeah?" He yells back.
"Want a desser-"
"Please! One of those coconut things." He interrupts. I laugh, giving him a generous piece.
I take him the plate in the living room, seeing that Dad is watching the local news.
The woman moving the news is a bottle blonde. I think they've applied so much makeup I don't think that's her actual skin tone. Her lashes scream fake. And can the lady move her face? I don't think so.
I hand Dad the plate, watching the orange/yellow tape reading breaking news. I'm curious, so I stay to listen.
"Breaking news at Berkeley County. Woman robbed Berkeley County Bank."
They show the security camera footage. A tall, I'll looking woman jumps on the counter, wheeling a gun. Her black hair is in her face. But I knew who it was.
Millie: I'm so glad you like Chaz and Sierra! I really appreciate it!
Rose: Ahh! You love it? Awe made my day!
I want y'all to tell me what y'all think each character looks like. Post pics!
Posted 18 February 2014 - 03:36 AM
I'm in a rush today, so this comment will have to be short.
FOOD, so much food.
Bloody hell, I wasn't expecting the ending.
But it sure as hell makes things interesting.
I loved the food, I mean the chapter.
I'm hungry now.
Wow, I wasn't expecting that.
As usual the annoying one (A.K.A me) wants an update
Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:05 AM
The robbing the bank part -DIDNT EXPECT THAT AT ALL!!!!!!
Can't wait for the next chapter. *excited*
Images of these characters??? *imagination in progress* will post pics after I get a clear idea how they look.
Posted 18 February 2014 - 03:42 PM
Oh I didn't see the posting pictures part, I might when I have time, but I'm not really sure what I think. Apart from her mother, I can't really imagine, but their personalities come across well.
Posted 19 February 2014 - 12:21 AM
Rose: SHOCKING! LOVE that word haha take your time with the pics ep ep ep ep
Now readers can you believe we are almost finished? Five chapter count down!
Poorvi is this rich girl. Actually the richest girl in Rosemont. Her dad owns all lumber yards in and around Rosemont. While her mother travels abroad to other countries due to her business in the oil field. Most of the time Poorvi is alone in her gigantic home. With, might I add, twelve servants.
The floor is a glossy white marble. I imagine that if you have the right socks I could slide from the dining hall right into the living space. Considering it was about a hundred or more feet away. Poorvi's home has this glorious staircase right as you enter. The steps welcome me as I walk through the grand glass door. The steps are wide, reminding me of Gone With The Wind. The gold railings are carved with intricate details of angels at the bed of the steps. I swallow. God, this is a place.
Thor ceiling is so high, is it touching the stars? The light is so fantastic, it's blinding. I can't help but stare at these large portraits all around house.
Unfortunately, Sierra is shaking my arm. I give her a strong glare, before following her. I'm in this extremely long chiffon white dress. My hair is in this loose curled bun. I seem to be towering over Sierra, but I am wearing six inch white heels.
Sierra is in my favorite dress, a long purple corset dress. The dress was long on me, is practically drowning Sierra. But she seems so excited. I'm amazed by her bouncy ponytail as she leads me to another dining hall.
I can't keep up, not in these heels. It makes a loud sound each step I take.
When we enter the second dining hall, I find my mouth on the floor. The chandelier is a beautiful white crystal, it's so big I think it's bigger than my room. There is a massive fireplace that seems to be giving this area warmth. Above the fireplace is a family portrait. This family seems to be standing in a lush green gardner. Bright flowers light up the picture. Four people are posing so elegant. The older woman has her arms folded on what I assume is her son. Her face is very demure. Her lovely blonde locks are in a gorgeous braid sparking around her neck. The woman is fitted in a red satin gown, her chest covered in shining jewels. Her husband, I assume, is in a black and white tuxedo. For an older man, he is rather fetching. His son is in a navy tuxedo, standing straight up like an arrow. The son keeps a very serious face.
The girl is different. She is in a strapless blue dress. The jewels sown down the front. She has glittering smile, and kind eyes. Her face is framed by her small strands of hair. She is a gorgeous girl.
Then I hear people clapping. I look out to see a tall girl in this elegant pink balllerina like dress. I see the similarities from the portrait and the girl. This must be Poorvi.
It's odd that this pokey town has average families like me or a gorgeous teen who is a multimillionare.
I wiggle out of my party dress. Tonight was rather formal like I was attending a Queen's ball. Poorvi is a delight. She speaks calmly and softly. She's very meek, quite a surprise since the majority of the people in Rosemont are full of energy. Poorvi is nice. When I met she, Poorvi immediately demanded me to sit next to her. She's a sweet girl.
I comb out my hair, braiding it in tight braids. I notice how I keep trying to do something so I didn't have to think of my deranged mother. I'm afraid I'll fall to knees in tears. I cannot believe I'm a daughter of a drug addicted mother.
I hear a knock.
"Come in!" I yell, I walk out of the bathroom into my dark bedroom. I decide to open my window. Get the air flowing through the room.
My dad was the one that was knocking. He stands by the doorway, boxes full of photos. He looks so nervous and sad.
He sighs, placing the boxes on my bed.
"I have some confessing to you." My dad says plainly.
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