I loved it since the very beginning.
We met at a party. Actually, my friend Diana’s 21st birthday party. He was friends with Diana’s boyfriend, and the second I saw him… well, some people call that love at first sight.
Of course he wasn’t perfect, the kind of boyfriend girls dream on having. You know; the kind of guy who sends you roses everyday, and tells you he loves you every ten seconds. But he was perfect FOR ME.
While I danced, he moved closer – and he whispered in my ear, no, not that I was so hot, but that I was beautiful. Lucky me, huh? We danced the whole night. And a tiny part of the morning, too. He got my phone, but I didn’t think he’d call – come on, I was 21 and he was 25, do you really think he’d want to commit? But he did. To my surprise, he called the next day, and the day after that one.
And we went out, on a date.
He took me to a bar, where there was a dance floor in case we wanted to dance, but we could also sit, have a drink and talk. Not many guys at that age like talking; let me tell you. I’ve had some bad experiences with guys who just wanted to get in my pants before, and after they got what they wanted, I’d never see them again.
Which is weird, considering I live in a small town and all. Not what you’d call tiny, but compared to New York, London, and other big towns, it was pathetic.
As we sat there, savoring our delicious orders – him, vodka; me, Cosmopolitan –, I started to realize I wasn’t wrong on my first impression about him. He really WAS sweet, and gentle, and he talked about himself, too, unlike most guys I had dated. He wasn’t closed; he let me in his life as naturally as he’d breathe, or something. It just seemed RIGHT.
I don’t know if you know what I mean by that, but if you don’t; girl, you don’t know what you’re missing.
I watched the half-full (something that I’d see before as half-empty) vodka glass on its way to David’s mouth – by the way, his name was David –, and my gaze went to his lips. They seemed so soft, like if I kissed them, they’d match mine perfectly.
And I didn’t even realize it; when I saw, my head was really close to his, and he was looking at my lips too, and then your lips met. And I was right. Perfect harmony.
We took things slowly, though the sexual tension between us was obvious. Most of the time we were together – which meant a lot of time, since we started going out at least twice a week, after work –, I just wanted to rip his clothes off.
He was so undeniably sexy, with those brown eyes that were so deep, the black hair that often fell on his face – fact that made Diana nickname him Emo Dude, not that I cared – and that “hold me” expression on his face all the time.
He was made for him, and I was made for him.
I don’t really care if that sounded as cliché as “it seemed like we’ve known each other our whole lives”. You won’t get it until you go through it. But you will someday, don’t worry. I always thought I’d never meet true love, and now, here he was: My true love, standing right in front of me (not literally, though), but there was a tiny detail. I’ll tell you about it later – or better yet, you’ll find out by yourself.
David showed me stuff about myself I didn’t know even existed. He always kept insisting I was so beautiful, and all, whispering “Bella, believe me…” on my ear, but I never actually bought it. I had mirrors at home, you know. I was an average girl – blondish (almost natural) hair, which some days decided to look browner; normal-colored skin, with some flaws (who doesn’t have them?); hazel eyes (which were the thing I liked most about myself, by the way).
But as he tried so hard to show me, I saw it. I realized no one is really THAT bad, except for Hitler. No one is perfect. There are just people who are perfect for each other. Like Jesse and Suze, from a book I read a few time ago.
He could’ve been with someone way better than me.
And whose job wasn’t so intruding on her personal life as mine was. I had stopped college for a year, when I decided to take some time off to “get to know the world”, you know. Lots of people have that phase on about the same age as mine.
And I decided to get a job as a waitress, to pay for my bills while I figured what to do next. This job, as I found out some time after I took it, often got me called to work on night shifts, thought I told the manager I’d like (with a very strong voice) to remain working only during the days.
But David didn’t mind. Which made me think, for a few days, that he had a lover – how could he not?
But of course he didn’t, and I was just being paranoid. David was the best man I had ever met, and will ever meet in the future.
But then when HIS job starting taking too much of his personal life time (he had a real job, as a hotel manager at the Dragonfly Inn – I know, it doesn’t sound very masculine, but it’s not like HE named it or anything…), I got a little upset. Selfish Isabella M. didn’t like her boyfriend to take night shifts, when they had a lot of guests.
Selfish Isabella M. demanded a lot of attention.
I know. I was SO wrong. I had never been that kind of girl, you know? The “look at me, RIGHT NOW!” kind of girl. The kind of girl who is not secure her boyfriend will not leave her to hook up with some hotter chick he met on his workplace.
All of DAVID’s workmates were ugly, at least.
I didn’t know how much pressure I was putting on him until the day when we were at my place, he had just had a long exhausting day at work, and was telling me about this 20-something girl who kept complaining about everything on the hotel, and I asked him, meanly: “Was she pretty, David?”
I don’t know what came over me. I really, really don’t. I just heard the words coming out of my mouth, and gasped.
“Oh my God. I’m sorry,” I told him, horrified. “I didn’t mean to say that.”
I know what shrinks say about things you say without thinking – they’re what you really wanted to say, because they are what’s going through your mind, and you MUST speak your mind and demonstrate your emotions always, as long as they’re not offending / hurting someone else.
But I’d rather keep my mouth shut and my emotions inside of my head than see David’s reaction to what I had just said.
David looked at me in shock and said: “My God. I thought you were not that kind of girl. You really got me, Bella.”
And then he left. I DID try to stop him, but you don’t understand. You weren’t there.
It took me a few hours to really get what I had just done. I’d ruined the best relationship ever to be lived by anyone, I had broken my heart, but most of all – I had disappointed, hurt, and let David down.
David, the only one who had ever actually cared about me.
David, the sweetest guy ever.
David, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that, especially by someone like me, who didn’t even deserve him in the first place – he was so much better than me, no matter what he said.
I went after him the next day, since I had made Diana called my boss saying I was sick, and I went straight to the Inn. I knew he’d be there, he wouldn’t miss work.
I was right. After all, as much as a *%^## as I had been yesterday, I knew him. He was the guy for me.
Sad, I know.
He stared at me, as if he thought I wasn’t going to go after him. I walked straight to him – it was about one PM, his boss was having lunch until 13:30PM on her house.
“David,” I said, leaning on the balcony. “I’m really, really sorry. Can we talk this out? You have no guests right now…”
Even with my best outfit, I didn’t feel confident at all. Maybe it was the fact that those jeans were a bit too tight, or maybe it was the fact that, oh, I know, he left last night really upset from my house.
“Bella,” he replied, coming on my direction and leading me to a private place – all of his workmates were looking at us curious. He stopped on a corner and looked into my eyes. “What is it?”
“I…” I started, unsure of what to say now that he was right in front of me. I had, of course, planned a speech, but my mind was suddenly as blank as an A4 paper. “I’m sorry about yesterday, I said that without thinking, it just came out of my mouth, and oh, David, I’m so sorry!”
He looked at the ceiling, avoiding to meet my gaze. “Bella, I’m… You were… I can’t deal with a 24/7 needing-attention girlfriend.”
“I’m not one, I swear. I don’t know what happened last night. I promise I’ll be such a good girlfriend, David, please let’s try to fix it.” My eyes started to water up, and I think that was the main reason why David looked at me alarmed and said:
“Okay, we’ll try it.”
I kissed him goodbye and left, so happy I could barely breathe. But then, as if it was some kind of curse, since the day I promised him I’d be better, I kept getting worse every day.
More needing. More demanding. More *%^##y.
And he broke up with me a few times, then, but we always got back together after a day or two. But you know what people say. Once it’s broken, you can fix it, but breaking it again will be as easy as pie.
And oh, was it broken.
As much as I wouldn’t admit it, it was broken. I had broken it, threw it on the floor, stepped on it, bounced on it, spitted on it – okay, I think you have the image by now.
And this one time, he just said he was too tired.
“I can’t take this anymore, Bella. I really like you,” he said, and I realized something was really wrong this time. He had said “like” instead of the usual, “love” He doesn’t love me anymore. “…but, seeing how things are going, they have to end. And they’re ending. They’re ending right now, Bella. I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t take it. I loved him too much to let him go so easily. But after a month of calling him and not getting called back, of showing up at his workplace and being ditched, of sending him “Forgive Me” cards and getting them back on the mail, I recognized it was over.
So, now you see the tiny detail I mentioned. I could see him in my mind, I could rewind and watch all of our nights together as many times as I wanted, but I wouldn’t get a new video, ever. It’s like no one is making movies anymore, and people just got left one thing – rent and watch the old ones over and over again.
But there’s only a difference between those situations. People would get used to not having new movies to watch – after all, there are so many already made! But I’d never get over the fact that I would never taste, feel, hear or see David again – we had so little time.
What do you think?