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Hate at First Sight


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Poll: Hate or love? (147 member(s) have cast votes)

How do they really feel about each other?

  1. Prue Hate (5 votes [3.40%])

    Percentage of vote: 3.40%

  2. Madly in Love (127 votes [86.39%])

    Percentage of vote: 86.39%

  3. Have not idea (15 votes [10.20%])

    Percentage of vote: 10.20%

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#406 labellemauricienne

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Posted 11 December 2007 - 04:05 PM

hey
I loved your story!!!!!
I read the whole thing in 1 night!!!
please do a sequel!!!!!

:eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap:
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#407 lovelylady91

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Posted 01 January 2008 - 07:07 PM

Aww... I love this story! :wub:

~Amanda~
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#408 jessinia

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Posted 02 January 2008 - 03:18 AM

That was a beautiful ending. I felt it right here. *points to heart*

Jess the Shocker :blink:
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#409 storyqueen24

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Posted 18 February 2008 - 06:26 PM

Great update
I have a bad feeling about her dad
But I guess we will have to wait for the next update
Update soon
Becca
:elmo:

Bookmark pg 5
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#410 storyqueen24

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Posted 29 February 2008 - 04:39 PM

bookmark pg 7
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#411 Ari-san

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Posted 01 March 2008 - 08:35 AM

What is with the bookmarks? I'm confused ...

ali :D
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#412 cats4ever

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Posted 01 March 2008 - 02:01 PM

LOVED it!! :love7: It was amazing!
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#413 michaelmoscovitz'swife127

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 07:03 PM

ok here's an update!

Vince’s POV

When I came out of the house Craig was all over Zoey and for some reason it made me furious. I looked at him and he stopped what they were calling dancing with her. I didn’t take my eyes off him. Everyone around us went silent.

“Dinner’s ready!” Zoey looked me dead in the eye.

“Come on Craig lets go get some food,” Zoey said and look him in to the house. For some reason I wanted to hurt Craig.

I headed back in side for something to eat.
“Mom, Beth the food is great,” I said as the football team when up for more.

“Good thing we made a lot,” Every one laughed.

“I think its cake time!” Zoey said.

“Ok,” My mom went over to our house and came back with a large sheet cake. It had a picture of Zoey and me on it, along with happy graduation in large letters.

After they gave out the cake Craig and Zoey slipped out the door. I was to busy eating my cake to notice. But when I did I ran outside. I was about to go into Zoey’s house when I heard yelling, so I stood at the door. I recognized the male voice from many years ago it was Zoey’s dad, only this time the female voice yelling back was Zoey and not Beth.

“I was not about to sleep with him!” She screamed. I just stood there watching.

“I walk in and see you all over this guy,” He pointed.

“So, it doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with him!” She screamed.

“If I were you I would leave,” He screamed. I ran back over to my house. The last thing I wanted was to get caught standing outside the door.

I started the music back up and people came out of the house to dance. After about and hour I saw Zoey come out of her house. By the time Craig and Mr. Field came out it had gotten dark.

“Honey, why don’t you start a little fire?” My mom said.

“Sure mom,” I went out to the fire pit and put some gas in it and lit a match. It started right up. Everyone gathered around it. Craig and Zoey were on opposite sides of the pit.

“Everyone, I just wanted to tell you while we are all together, were moving!” Beth said.

“No way,” Mr. Field said.

“Yes, we are down sizing. Angela and I found a nice two bedroom condo,” She said happily, “Angela and I are going to be in Europe all summer so Vince and Zoey can live in it until we get back,” All our friends started to laugh.

“They are not going to live together,” Mr. Fields said.

“It’s too late, we have to be out of the houses by next Sunday,” Beth said. Standing her ground and not letting her ex-husband change her mind.

“I am not going to allow my daughter to live with a guy and not have an adult there,” Mr. Field said.
----------------------------------------
Zoey’s POV

“Have you seen how these to act toward each other? All they do is fight,” My mom screamed. My dad had never paid attention to the relationship Vince and I had.

“Well from what I’ve seen just to day I would think they like each other,” My dad said. You can tell he was only saying of this to act like a concerned dad, but if he really cared he would offer for me to move in with him.

“I do not like Vince ok, if you’re going to be here get your story straight,” I said. I was not going to let him come in here and start saying things that are clearly not true.

“If you two are not dating then why were both your names on the invitation?” Vince and I turned to mom and Angela and glared.

“Their idea,” Vince said. He sounded really mad.

“They didn’t even ask us if we wanted it,” I said.

“Just like they didn’t asked us wither or not we wanted move. Now I am stuck living with her for the rest of the summer,” Vince said.

“It’s not like I’m too thrilled either,” I screamed.

“You know your going to love it. You’re going to be able to have Craig over and do what anything you want,” Vince screamed. How dare he bring Craig in to this!

“Craig is my business, not yours!” I screamed.

“No, it’s our business now that we are going to be living together,” He said sarcastically. He makes it sound as if we were getting married.

“Cut the crap,” I screamed.

“Ok. On second thought I think they will do just fine living together. If any thing they might kill each other,” My dad said. I’ve wanted to do that for years.

“Now you see why we have no problem with them living together,” My mom said.

----------------

“Zoey get out here we’re leaving,” Vince said. I ran my fingers on the countertop remembering life when I had two happy parents.

“Zoey!” Vince screamed getting inpatient.

“I’m coming,” I ran out the front door, closed it, and locked it. I got in to the car, I didn’t even care that I had to sit in the back seat next to Vince. We had not boxes in the car because we had already packed everything up earlier that week and we had just come over for mom and Angela to sign the paper work.

A tear ran down my check as we drove away I turned my face toward the window so Vince wouldn’t see me cry. That house had so many memories, good and bad ones. So many fights took place in that house. Fights between mom and dad, between Vince and me, and between my mom and me, they all took place there.




========

Comment and tell me what you think and any corrections

:love7: Natalie :074:



This might be a little too late. You shouldn't overdose your word, screamed. Try doing actions like this:

"Zoey!" His voice shattered while he walked out of the front door.

I read a lot of books( at least one book per day) and they don't use scream twice on the same page.

This is good advice.
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#414 Esdroper

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 07:48 PM

Thanks for the CC. I was told that in my other story and I have started to switch it up with different was to show frustration.

Thanks everyone for reading it.

And whats with the bookmarks?

*Natalie*
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#415 michaelmoscovitz'swife127

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 02:31 PM

Make a sequel!

The story when she goes to college and falls in love with someone. And then when Vincent barged into them, they get into a fight. But she makes up to him and continues college with no boyfriend at all. Vincent will be transferred to her college and they keep going out--but not like boyfriend girlfriend--like husband and wife.

At the end, they graduate.

After they graduate, they buy their own house and you make an ending.

After that ending, you write another sequel on their life together as husband and wife. Then, you finish that.

When you finish that, edit all of the stories about them and make them all into one book. Try to get published and that can be your perfect story. Maybe. Only if you try harder. It has the perfect length.

Good luck.

And make a sequel!

They'll be happy.

Referring to your readers.
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#416 meD8orsrok!

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 10:46 PM

okay so that was a pretty amazing story! lol

i REALLY liked it!

and guess what... 111 VOTES!!! yaay! lol

i started a new story by the way it's called Dear Prudence and it's actually quite a bit like yours! lol



<3 Annie
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#417 xfall.out.girlx

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Posted 02 April 2008 - 12:34 PM

oh my god i love it!!!!!!! :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
its the best ive read so far :icon_flower: :love7:
:eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap:

shannon :spinstar:
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#418 michaelmoscovitz'swife127

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Posted 03 April 2008 - 05:31 PM

Everyone! I think this story is FABULOUS! Hoot for Esdroper for more! Make a sequel! C'mon! The Ending is perfect for a sequel, you know? *cursing due to the annoyance Esdroper has caused*
By the way, my new newsletter is up. This is weekly. It repeats every Sunday. It talks about writing, contests, publshing as well as myself. [Mod's Note: Please don't post any personal info including email address here. The rules clearly speak out against it]

Ali

Edited by Ari-san, 13 April 2008 - 11:49 AM.
Mod's Note added

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#419 Esdroper

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Posted 03 April 2008 - 09:40 PM

shannon and Annie thanks for reading it

michaelmoscovitz'swife127, I was re-writing this and I had changed the names and made many edits. I was going to change it more I had a lot of idea but then I messed with a picture that was on the page and it turned the file into some kind of temp file that the computer couldn't open so I really have lost motivation to RE-write it but I am working on a sequel, they are in college and they fighting is not gone.
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#420 michaelmoscovitz'swife127

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Posted 05 April 2008 - 10:47 AM

shannon and Annie thanks for reading it

michaelmoscovitz'swife127, I was re-writing this and I had changed the names and made many edits. I was going to change it more I had a lot of idea but then I messed with a picture that was on the page and it turned the file into some kind of temp file that the computer couldn't open so I really have lost motivation to RE-write it but I am working on a sequel, they are in college and they fighting is not gone.



YOU SAVED MY LIFE! I rarely compliment people. Or better yet, I might ask people for sequels. I only asked two out of 10 stories I have read. You, dear, are lucky. The other lucky person was the person who wrote Feminism 101. I'm sure you heard of it.
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#421 iluvuchoke

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Posted 11 May 2008 - 04:23 AM

aww.i liked your story.


Now these are the kind of stories that interests me..write more...
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#422 rink-of-glory

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Posted 16 May 2008 - 12:28 PM

I dont have any other words to describe your story! Just LOVED it!
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#423 *mwahaha*

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Posted 30 December 2008 - 11:40 PM

hey, i was just rereading this story. it really is sweet, one of my favorites...
and if you don't mind me asking, what happened to I'm Late?
i was really getting into that story :P
i hope vince and zoey are together forever :)

:mgicecream::D:mgicecream:
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#424 Shaheen

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Posted 13 March 2009 - 04:32 AM

Hey Natalie, your story is just fabulous!!It makes me laugh all the way.One of the best stories I've read on this message board!!

Shaheen :a_smil08:
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#425 stolen_dreams095

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 08:54 PM

LOVED IT!! HOPE YOU MAKE A SEQUEL!!! :D
-Mika :D

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#426 *♥Suki♥*

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Posted 23 November 2009 - 06:24 AM

This caught my eye. And I have read it one go.. Flat 4 hours. Non-stop.

It was so interesting. Though I admit there was no breath-taking twist in the tale but really, the simple plot still captivated me..

The best part in the whole story was the prologue and the Epilogue.
The way they were connected to each other.. How the way of things remained the same but the feelings changed.. That was amazing.
It really touched my heart, the epilogue did.
And when I re-read the prologue.. I almost had a tear trickling down my face..
Love stories sometimes do that to me..
I mean it amazes how some people can have their happy ending eventually..
It is really amazing..

Well, I would really pressurize you to post the sequel soon..
But it is really your decision at the end of the day..
But it's good to know you are considering it as an option.

And even more glad to hear you are editing this version.. there were many mistakes. Mainly spelling errors.
Nothing a proofreading can't rectify :)

Well good luck with your current stories!

And post some more soon!
I would love to read more of your works :)

Love,
*♥Suki♥*


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#427 ragulto101

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Posted 25 February 2010 - 03:37 PM

Yes! You're writing a sequel! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!
I'll look at your profile to see if it's on it.

Can't wait! :icon_flower:

-Lynn

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#428 Katexxx

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Posted 26 October 2012 - 09:35 AM

love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!who doesn't?????????????????
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