Alright, so the sequel to The Summer Princess! It is slightly longer and includes more characters but I hope you'll still like it!
As always, nothing belongs to me!
- Christmas Princess -
I am going to Genovia in a few days where I will be spending my Christmas break. Not a big thing, everyone says since I have been doing this for the past four years. Yeaaaaah, but during those holidays a certain person wasn't coming home for the first time in months.
Sunday, December 15, the loft, 7 pm
School sucks enough as it is.
But when the week consists of exams only, it is utter hell.
In moments like these I totally agree with Rene's epic rants about royals having to attend school. I mean, what is the point, really? It is not like we will EVER have a 9 to 5 job. Who would employ us? With all the formal events we have to attend EVERY WEEK we would spend way more time on planes than sitting behind work desk. Who would want to have an employee that is never there? It is kind of like Henry from Grey's Anatomy who was always on sick leave because of whatever-disease he had.
Then there's the constant attention of the paparazzi. Does a company really want somebody whose face is on Teen People and Us Weekly on weekly bases?
Conclusion: Royals are basically unemployable.
So why do we have to endure endless hours of Maths and Chemistry and all this if we will spend the majority of our time planning and attending charity events? Wouldn't it be better if we avoided all this stress (really. My face looks so much older this week. Is this good promotion of Genovia, Grandmere?)?
Dad says education is important because it broadens our mind. He insists that the more I will know the better I will rule in Genovia.
Which is a totally failed argument now that Genovia is democracy. Although I am not totally sane the majority of time, I am sane enough not to run for any kind of position in the parliament. I love Genovia too much to expose it to my irrational judgments.
Though I still think the parking meters are a great thing.
And the snails were the right decision.
And recycling bins did a lot of good for the environment,
After people leant how to use them correctly, I mean.
Mr G just came to my room to check if I was studying. He frowned when he saw me writing in my diary.
Hello? I am studying, just having a short break? Trigonometry is killing my brain cells and I am sorry because I wish to enjoy their company for a bit longer?
Oh, I forgot. Mr G doesn't understand that too much math equals biological weapon of neuro-destruction. How could he, he is a mathematician? Seriously, Mr G is a really cool guy and all, but why couldn't Mum get knocked up by someone who is more into social science?
Look who's complaining, the chick whose boyfriend has been on the other side of the world for over a year building a robot.
Irony, you really want to be my friend, don't you?
Monday, December 16, the loft, 4 pm
Dr K is, as usual, completely unsympathetic of my problems. He says I actually stopped fussing over things I cannot change but instead I started creating problems in my mind. Since Lilly is basically saying the same thing, only calling it 'a pathological need to dramatize my life', I am seriously scared there's some truth hidden in there.
Even though it is not true. I HAVE problems, many of them! I don't know why everyone thinks my life is so glamorous and perfect. Just because I don't go on and on about all the troubles in my life anymore, it does not mean they are not there.
You see, the thing is ... I can't really talk about my problems to anyone. Because … the majority of them aren't problems but … lies.
Mia's List of Problems
1. My boyfriend is in Japan and he has been there for over a year
2. I haven't seen my boyfriend since June. That's more than 6 months.
3. I am going to Genovia in a few days where I will be spending my Christmas break. Not a big thing, everyone says since I have been doing this for the past four years. Yeaaaaah, but during those holidays a certain person wasn't coming home for the first time in months.
4. Exams are happening this week.
5. My SAT scores. Enough said.
6. Dad wants me to give a speech in Genovia (hmmm… I think the gene for not learning from your previous mistakes runs in the family. It is making me feel so much better. Kind of). They are opening an animal shelter and since it was the project I was working on during the summer holidays, I kind of understand where Dad is coming from. I just don't understand how come he doesn't take my speech skills into consideration.
7. Grandmere has been torturing me with dreadful princess lessons as a retaliation for me attending all formal events during summer alone. She actually had arranged me a date, a guy from England named Andrew, but after I discovered that he didn't like girls and encouraged him to come out, he packed his bags and went back to London to live with his boyfriend. Grandmere thought me being alone was a very bad promotion for Genovia (still not bad enough to let me bring along Harry. Or Rene) and she interpreted Andrew's coming out as me ditching her plans and being rebellious. For someone who is such a skilled manipulator she is totally taking everything too personal.
8. Paparazzi found out about my new hairstyle and now I cannot hide anymore. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE AND I LITERALLY MEAN EVERYWHERE. Last week, I went bowling with Harry, Sebastiano and Rene. Somehow reporters found out and actually played right next to us. Next morning every newspaper in Eastern USA ran an article how terrible Princess Mia is at bowling. I do have to say though, they are remarkably good when it comes to disguise. We had no idea who they were. Or should I say, I had no idea. Rene was too drunk to be aware of anything. Harry was flirting with a waitress and Sebastiano kept making sketches for his new line (yeah, and still they all beat me at bowling).
9. Grandmere has her eyes on the Norwegian banker again and now she wants me to 'socialize' with his nephew (a rich and spoilt kid who lives on a yacht somewhere in the Caribbean) so that 'the families will spend some time together' meaning the banker will be reminded of her existence. Yeah, Grandmere has been dumped for the first time and is not taking it well. Question - why doesn't she just have him killed? It would save everyone so many nerves.
10. Lana and Tina keep setting me up with guys so that I wouldn't go to the Winter Carnival alone (what's up with people not understand the word NO?). It is partly my fault, I admit. I mean, it is not like I ever told them I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Which reminds me …
11. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND BUT I CANNOT TELL IT TO ANYONE BECAUSE OF … WELL, BECAUSE NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND. I mean, it's not like it bothers me, you know. It is my life and I don't really care what anyone thinks. But … it would be so much easier if I could just go to the top of Empire State Building and scream I AM DATING MICHAEL MOSCOVITZ AGAIN AND WE ARE IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK SO JUST SHUT UP. I mean, Grandmere would have a heart attack if she found out I am with Michael again.
Though … that would solve so many of my problems.
12. Fat Louie hates me. After I went to Genovia for a week in November to attend 'national emergency' (believe it or not, it was not caused by Grandmere), leaving him in the care of my mother, I came back to find out that somehow my cat lost a few pounds. Mum said 'he was on a diet' but I don't think a diet should result in a cat looking emaciated. Louie has still not forgiven me for leaving him to starve. Yes, my own cat hates me. So why does Dad want me to give a speech about animals? I am clearly not capable of taking good care of them.
13. The fortune teller lady that told me I would marry a farmer. I KNOW IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING BUT I STILL CANNOT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND,
Really. How can Lilly or Dr K say I have no problems? I am not insisting that my problems are the worst in the world because they are not. I know billions of people have bigger problems than me but that doesn't mean that my life is totally perfect.
And yeah, I admit, I might be exaggerating a bit. But then again, I totally scored 85% on 'How Neurotic Are You?' test. It is not entirely my fault.
Tuesday, December 17, after History Final
Mia, you will LOVE Scott! Well, I don't mean like LOVE LOVE but he is such a cool guy! You will like having him as your date for the carnival, you'll see! We'll have so much fun!
Here we go again. Mia's potential boyfriend #7… or is it #8? … I got lost counting already.
While I appreciate your and Lana's effort, I think I will pass, Tina.
NO, YOU WILL NOT! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK US TO FIND YOU A DATE?
Tina, if I truly wanted to go with someone, I would ask Harry. Or Rene.
Though I don't think they would like to go. Given that there will be no unlimited alcohol. But even if they agreed to come … Rene gets rather irrational when under influence and I don't think I could handle that amount of embarrassment.
It is not because of … You Know?
Sex? What would sex have to do with anything?
If this is what she is referring to? And she usually uses 'You Know' for sex.
Which is rather cute. She could totally use a Rene for a cousin.
But I better go with a neutral response.
What do you mean?
You Know … three years ago, at Winter Carnival you and Michael … You Know.
Oh my god. The only thing worse than discussing possible boyfriends with Tina is discussing my TRUE boyfriend with Tina. Because … she still doesn't know Michael and I are back together.
I must say I am proud of myself somehow I manage to hide my goofy grin every time she mentions him.
She will totally kill me after she finds out.
No, it is not because of that. I just don't see any point in dating for the whole sake of dating. I am perfectly happy alone, Tina.
Thank god I have a feminist for a mother; I know everything about women being perfectly happy without a man.
I am not saying that you are not happy … but going out from time to time wouldn't hurt, you know. And it has been a long time since you and Michael broke up. I am sorry to tell you this but … things have changed. Michael is not here anymore, for all we know, he might be dating someone.
Oh, Tina, he totally is dating someone.
But of course I couldn't tell her that.
Who knew lying about having a boyfriend would be so tough? Especially considering he is on the other side of the world and we kind of cannot get busted or anything.
I know. But I don't really have time. Remember my SAT score?
Thank god for my lying skills. I don't think I could pull this off without them.
School is not everything, Mia.
Oh, I know it is not but what can I do if my boyfriend is in Japan? Should I seek more of Grandmere's company? I am sorry, but I am not that insane.
Besides … the thing that is keeping me cooped up in my room is not directly connected to school. I mean, yeah, my novel is my senior project but … I am writing it for myself. I would still work on it even if Mrs. Martinez didn't let it count as my senor project.
Look … I know that you truly loved Michael but …. Some relationships are just not meant to be. I mean … YOU KNOW! It hurts and it is sad and unfair but it happens. All you can do is move on. You should move on. You have to give life a chance! Look –
**Tina's List Of Characters That Lost Their Love but Moved on and were Happy in the End**
1. Rose in Titanic. She lost her love but moved on with her life, had children and lived to the fullest.
2. Holly in P.S. I Love You. She was heartbroken after Gerry died but in the end she realized there is still beauty in life and she has to hold on to the hope of better future.
3. Gray in Catch and Release. She too realizes she has to let go of her dead fiancé and move on.
4. Pretty much everyone in The Holiday
5. Peter in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
6. Ted in How I Met Your Mother. Hello? The break up with Robin messed him up but in the end he found his One True Love! The Mother!
7. Cristina in Grey's Anatomy after Burke left. And she is with Hunt now. Somewhat happy, I think.
8. Elle in Legally Blond. Remember, if Warner hadn't dumped her, she would have never met Emmett!
9. Rory in Gilmore Girls after the Jess drama. Look what she accomplished afterwards!
You see, Mia, there is life after a break up. Besides, do you remember ME after Dave dumped me? I thought I could never be happy again yet … now that I have Boris, I am the happiest I have ever been!
Oh my god.
That's all I'll say.
All this lying is emotionally draining.
Where's the bell when you need it?
Tuesday, December 17, the Loft, 9 pm
WomynRule: POG, what was with that list Tina made today? Is there something happening between you and my brother that I don't know about? AGAIN?
You know how they say that when it rains it pours? Well, I think the opposite is also true – when something good happens, it just keeps happening. This is what happened to me, at least, when Michael and I got back together. Lilly and I became friends again. She screamed for half an hour how stupid I had been and then another half an hours apologizing for that website.
FtLouie: She found me another date for the Carnival.
WomynRule: Why don't you just tell her?
FtLouie: That I am not interested? I told her fifteen billion times!
WomynRule: Not that, you idiot. Just tell her you are back together with my brother.
She might be one of the few people that knows about Michael and I, but she totally doesn't realize the whole aspect of the problem.
FtLouie: You know I can't do that, Lilly.
WomynRule: Frankly, she will have to learn eventually.
FtLouie: The more people I tell the more chances there are of Grandmere or Dad finding out. And you know how they would feel about it!
WomynRule: THEY WILL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY!
FtLouie: I will tell them after Michael comes back. If they find out now, they will want to know how it happened, and I can't exactly say I FLEW ALL THE WAY TO JAPAN COMMERCIALLY, CAN I? I DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM ANY REASON TO HATE MICHAEL. You don't understand, Lilly.
WomynRule: Sure I don't. POG, things will be much different after my brother comes back.
Oh, no kidding! There's gonna be at least one less thing to lie about to everybody!
FtLouie: You mean I won't be able to hide it any longer?
I waited for her reply but it didn't come.
FtLouie: Lilly? Are you still there?
Which usually means she is too irritated to type in a rational voice.
WomynRule: I meant … never mind.
FtLouie: YOU MEANT WHAT? THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT HOW?
WomynRule: I just meant that when Michael comes back from Japan, he won't be some college student anymore.
No; he'll be a guy who reinvented heart surgery.
And he will be my boyfriend.
Can boyfriends get any cooler than that? Personally, I don't find rock stars to be too attracted.
FtLouie: You think this will make Grandmere stop hating him? No way, Lilly, TRUST ME. He still won't be royal and that makes him unworthy of me no matter what. Royal do not marry un-royals.
You'd think after four years, a genius like Lilly would realize this about Grandemre.
WomynRule: Didn't you say she wants to hook up with that Norwegian banker?
FtLouie: Yeah, but that's different. He's rich.
WomynRule: Please tell me you are kidding.
Kidding about what?
Oooh, it's Tina, again.
I love her, I really do but … she just annoys me sometimes.
ILuvRomance: Hey, Mia! I just spoke to Scott, he's looking forward to the carnival. You two will have so much fun together! Anyways, he's wondering if you'd like to get some pancakes before the Carnival. If you do, Boris and I could totally come too and we could have a double date!
Seriously, and then people say I am the dense one?
At least I know what a NO means.
FtLouie: TINA, I DO NOT WANT TO GO!
ILuvRomance: That was what you said three years ago. And just look how everything turned out – well, minus the whole breakup aspect.
Remember how Tina used to be so supportive of Michael and I? Well, I came to a realization she doesn't really care who I date – she just doesn't want me to be single. Because in Tinaland, when everything is pure LOVE, you are not fulfilled until you have a boyfriend.
I might be depressed but I think she needs a professional help more than I do. I mean, at least I am still in touch with reality. Her head is floating … well, I don't really know where, but definitely not in our galaxy, that's for sure.
FtLouie: Situations are completely different.
ILuvRomance: Absolutely. And Michael is not here anymore.
AND SHE THINKS I HAVEN'T NOTICED?
FtLouie: I know he's not here anymore.
ILuvRomance: So I can tell Scott you'll go? But just to warn you – the double date thing might not happen, Boris doesn't like the idea.
Boris, the only sane person I hang out with in New York. Who'd think, in our freshman year, I would ever consider him to be the most normal person?
Life is really strange sometimes.
FtLouie: Neither am I.
ILuvRomance: I could ask Lana if…
FtLouie: Tina, once and for all, I am not going. I have to pack anyway since I am flying to Genovia the next morning.
ILuvRomance: Just pack now!
Is today national 'Let's Drive Mia Crazy' day? Lana's IMing me TOO! When did I become so popular?
Cheergurl: Tina just told me you're cancelling on Scott. oh my god, you soooooooo need to get laid, GEEK! It's just a DANCE! Though … if you don't go after all, can we still take your limo?
It doesn't get more Lana than this. But she can have my royal jet if it means they'll leave me alone!
WomynRule: POG, did a brick fall on your head and made you realize how dumb you are being?
Dumb? I can't follow this anymore.
I need to get new friends. Like YESTERDAY! I don't think true friends tell each other they're dumb or send each other on unwanted dates.
Seriously. What have I done to deserve this? I JUST WANT TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH MY BOYFRIEND!
JoshBell2: Hey, Mia, I heard what Tina is planning. You don't have to go, you know. If you don't feel like it, then you should not go. I can talk to Tina for you if you want. – Boris
SkinnerBx: Hey, Thermopolis, how's it going?
And then the world stops spinning and I feel sane again.
He might be on the other side of the world, but he still makes me smile the most, calms me down and gives me hope that somehow things will work out.
FtLouie: Things are looking up, oh finally.
SkinnerBx: I miss you too. How did your Math test go?
FtLouie: I'll pass, I think. I hope. Tina is hooking me up with someone for the dance again.
SkinnerBx: Should I be worried?
FtLouie: That your girlfriend might go insane? Yeah, I think you should be.
SkinnerBx: You'll be fine. I'll be home soon.
I realize that he's trying to calm me down but …
FtLouie: Oh no kidding? You do realize I'm spending Christmas in Genovia EATING NATIONAL CUISINE OF NORWAY WHICH I THINK INCLUDES A LOT OF MEAT?
SkinnerBx: Didn't you say the chef in the palace adores you? Just ask him for a vegetarian meal.
Things are so simple in his mind, aren't they?
How to let a girl know you love her? Just tutor her in Algebra and play her a song about a guy who loves a very tall girl. She is bound to figure it out. NOT.
How to tell a girl you love her too? Create a computer program and show it to her in front of everybody. She won't freak out. AT ALL.
How to ensure your future with the said girl? Just reinvent heart surgery and go away for MORE THAN a year.
How to do 'the right thing'? BREAK UP WITH HER!
FtLouie: Don't you think Grandmere would notice that?
SkinnerBx: Will it make you feel better if I tell you CardioArm is coming along great?
It's obvious that there is no love lost between Michael and Grandmere, isn't it?
FtLouie: Then what are you doing, chatting with me? GO BACK TO THE LAB AND FINISH THE THING ALREADY!
SkinnerBx: I am on a lunch break.
FtLouie: Wouldn't you rather have a lunch break with me?
Wednesday, December 18, Princess Lessons
Oh my God.
WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SHUT UP?
I've been here for the past 40 minutes and every second of those minutes she has spent talking about this great event she is planning for Christmas. Since 'Grandmere' in combination with self-proclaimed 'greatness' usually means something disastrous, I am mentally preparing for yet another low in my life.
Seriously. What have I done to her? I must have done something otherwise she wouldn't be making this Christmas into a complete disaster. I mean, I am sacrificing rare moments with my One True Love for her stupid Christmas fest. She even has forbidden Harry from coming, dreading I might end up playing badminton instead of attending formal dinner again (I am not 16 anymore, Grandmere?) – I mean, what am I supposed to do in Genovia? Die of boredom?
Wait … has she somehow found out about Michael? Is this why she has even wanted us to leave for Genovia a week earlier?
Oh my god.
And I am so dead.
Maybe she will blow up New York while we'll be safe in Genovia. Michael dying in a catastrophe wouldn't raise any suspicion that Grandmere was behind it.
She is totally evil enough to pull this off.
Maybe I should start paying more attention.
"Arne has already agreed to come …. This relation we will have with Norway will be priceless, Amelia. He is a very popular man in his land and thousands of Norwegians will hear about Genovia. And every winter – winters are terrible up there – the same thousand people travel south. With the right promotion, what Arne most definitely is, this thousands might come to Genovia! This will do marvels for our finances, Amelia!"
Right, she is selflessly devoted to her nation. There is no hidden motive in her liking this banker. NOT AT ALL.
She is impossible.
**List of Possible Christmas Gifts**
1. Grandmere. Cyanide. Or maybe a brick – it might get magic powers and fall onto her head. Maybe a slight concussion might make her saner. Or kinder. Ok, seriously, something purple. Maybe I could join hers and Rommel's gift … I could ask Sebastiano to make matching coats for them? Sebastiano and I could totally give her the present together …
2. Dad. A plant? If he takes care of it for a year without killing it, then maybe the next year I can give him a hamster or something? It might trigger a voice in his head saying it is time to settle down.
3. Mum – a t-shirt with *^%&* Riot written on.
4. Mr G – 'World's Friendliest Mathematician' Coffee Cup.
5. Rocky – a Superman bed sheet he has wanted since … ever.
6. Lars – a mascot of the upcoming Olympics. Since he has totally fallen in love with winter sports lately.
7. Tina – I am seriously thinking she does not deserve a gift this year. Maybe a nail polish?
8. Lana + Trish – not that they deserve it but maybe a mani/pedi appointment?
9. Lilly – since her TV station in Korea is paying for all the show's expenses, she no longer wants empty tapes … Damn, I really thought I had this gift covered; now I have to think of something NEW? Maybe I could convince Dad to be on her show again?
10. Boris – a guide though fashion would be too mean, right?
11. JP – a notebook. He'll need plenty of those now that he is writing a play.
12. Shameeka – a Beyoncé perfume
13. Ling Su – something for painting.
14. Perin – that book she has been longing to have for ages now.
15. Sebastiano – old buttons I saw in antique shop last week. Since he had a thing for buttons now.
16. Rene – SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE HIM STOP SMOKING!
17. Harry – seriously what can you buy a guy who can afford everything? Maybe that maple syrup he has fallen in love with the last time he was in New York?
18. Michael – well, I know what NOT to buy – anything off Ebay. Maybe I could make him something that will remind him of me? Since I have no idea how much longer he will be Japan for (I know they have a different culture there, but I did think a year equals 365 days EVERYWHERE. Yes, he is a genius, but that does not give you the right to extend his stay!).
But I guess I don't really have to worry about his gift. I mean, it's not like I will see him this Christmas.
THANKS DAD AND GRANDMERE!
Wait … what has Grandmere just said?
To Be Continued.