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Cady and Corvan

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#1 Jcrazy


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Posted 13 June 2010 - 10:54 PM


Ten years ago on this very night, something horrible and something great happened. See, you could be reading this any day, anytime, and that first sentence would still be true. Because somewhere, something bad-something frightning-does happen every night. And something great does as well. It's a mystery how someone can be ecstatic while another can be devasted at the same moment. But it happens. And we deal with it as best we can.   

But some things are particularly bad and good.  

Ten years ago, from the time I'm writing this now, Cady and Corvan Troms sat in their shared bedroom, huddled deep in their beds. 

Neither child knew that their sibling was awake, and both knew they should be asleep. After all, they would both be beginning their first year of middle school the next day. Of course they needed their rest. 

But the storm outside was too much for both of them. The storm brought different fears for both of them. Ones they couldn't see going away. 

Corvan feared storms because of a memory. Memories can be an amazing thing. It never seems they completly disapear, but they become blurred and difficult to grasp. But Corvan's memory was bright, clear, and frightning. He remembered sitting on his fathers lap when he was about three years old, outside of the house he still lived in today. It was lightning and pouring down rain, thunder shaking the house and trees around them. But yet they couldn't go inside. Corvan then hadn't understood why they couldn't, but when he had finally mentioned the clear-as-day memory to his father, he had been surprised his son could remember the day so long ago, so clearly. His father told him he hadn't had his house key with him and they were having to wait outside for his mother to return home to go in. 

The memory still somehow had it's own place in Corvan's mind, even though it seemed silly to let such a pointless and meaningless memory burden him. Whenever it stormed though, the memory would somehow creep back up in his mind, reminding him of what it felt like to be helpless and trapped. He hated it. 

His sister Cady on the other hand had different fears. Imaginary. As a younger child, she'd had the most wild imagination. Dreams, nightmares, fantasies; they all seemed mystical and magical to Cady. She was a dreamer and knew it. Although sometimes her imagination got carried away. At the moment, she was thinking of the storm. How it could tear the roof off the house, pick her up, and sweep her away to some unknown land....but then thunder shook the house and suddenly the land she'd started to create-amazing with everything Cady could think wonderful-vanished and was replaced by a horror scene. The storm sweeping her away to a dark, empty room instead. The dark was Cady's weakness, she couldn't stand it. Even in her shared room she had to have her nightlight right next to her bed or she couldn't begin to think about slumber at night.

She brought her covers around her slim body and pretended it was a her mommy's arms wrapping around her. She actually smiled to herself in the midst of all her dark thoughts, thinking of her mothers warm smile. How even though they fought so much, she was the one Cady would always go to when she was afraid or hurt. She was her saftey net. 

Across the small room, Corvan stared straight up at the ceiling, his covers wrapped tight around him as well, as if it would keep away the memory, block out the pointless memory that resurfaced everytime the thought of storm reappeared in Corvan's mind. Which, at the moment, was practically constantly. 

Corvan reached for his stuffed animal. He felt silly, being eleven years old, entering middle school, and still having a stuffed toy in his bed. But he had reached the point where he only hugged onto it now if he was afraid or nervous. Corvan wasn't exactly sure which feeling he was having now, but it felt unusaul and foreign. His arms tightened around the fake, meaningless to some, animal in his arms and he sighed tiredly. He wasn't actually ready for sleep, he was wide awake it felt like. But it seemed as if there was a load on him. Something weighing him down that he couldn't push free of. A memory perhaps. But he doubted it then. 

Suddenly, a crash of thunder shook the house, much harder then any of the previous ones, and lightning struck at what seemed like just out the children's window. In an instant, the room was dark. The red light of the digital clock flashed off and the brightness of the protective nightlight vanished, leaving the once slightly lite room completly unilluminated.

Corvan heard the intake of breath from Cady's side of the room and instantly knew that she, too, was awake. 

"Cad....?" Corvan asked hesitantly, in the smallest of voices. 

"Cory?" she whispered back, quickly, shooting up in her bed. The blanket, her mothers arms, fell to the bed around her. Just as quickly as she'd spoken, she pulled the covers back around her. 

"Yeah, who else?" he teased her, noticing the worry in his sisters tense voice. He knew it was time to play the big brother card, even it was only by a few minutes that he was older then her. 

She giggled nervously and looked towards her brothers bed that she could only barely make out with the streak of moonlight coming through their one small window. 

"Do you...." Cady started worriedly. "Do you want to come over here?"

Corvan, having to act like the tough guy of course, said, "I'm OK by myself over here. But if you're really so afraid, I suppose I could."

Cady sighed at her brothers attempt to act cool about the whole thing and whispered, "Just come here, Cory."

He slowly pushed his covers off, sitting his stuffed animal aside and hopping Cady wouldn't see him doing so. She didn't know he still used the ratty, old toy. And would probably tease him if she knew. He grabbed his pillow though, along with his blanket, and slowly and carefully made his way over to his sisters bed. He stepped on quite a few of their toys and clothes on the way, saying quite a few involuntary, and sometimes, Cady thought, unnecessary "ouch's" and "ow's" as he made his way over to her. Cady didn't think her jeans or tennis shoes should be causing her brother this much pain and scowled at him in the darkness. 

"I'm here," he announced, yet again a little loudly, as Cady scooted over and made room for her twin. 

He settled his pillow down next to hers and climbed in, straightening his blanket over his small body. 

"I hate the dark," Cady whispered a moment later, finding Corvan's hand in the darkness and lacing her fingers through his. Hesitantly, he gave her fingers a little squeeze. Corvan wasn't as touchy and dramatic as his sibling, and didn't cope as well in close proximity situations, unlike her.  

"Why are you so afraid of it?" he asked her quietly, hopping he actually sounded concerned and not just annoyed. 

"You can't see anything as clearly," Cady mumbled, almost unable to catch her words when she started talking faster. "In the day, there's nothing to hide. People are shown, there they are. But at night you can hide yourself, lie easier, sneak easier, fake life. In the light, people always act more like themselves."

Corvan blinked, surprised at his sister, although she couldn't see him in the relative darkness. He wasn't used to her being so deep. And that was extreamly in depth for a disscussion between two eleven year olds, late at night.

"Oh," Corvan said to his sister, who was waiting for a reply. "But…that's not happening here. At the moment. So why are you afraid now?"

"Because," she said quietly, pulled her covers around her as tight as possible with a free hand. "As scary as it seems that people can hide themselves in the darkness, you can usaully turn the lights back on if you need to." She glanced around the shadowed room. "But right now, nothing. We couldn't expose them if we tried."

Corvan nodded, and knew Cady could even see it in the dark. He was still surprised by his sister, but it's not as though he didn't already know she was smart. She was the smartest person his age he'd ever met, although he'd never admit it.

Thunder roared again and Cady's nails dug into her brothers hand, making him wince. 

"Sorry," she squeaked. 

He shook his head. "It's ok, Cad. I...I understand."

Cady nodded and took a soothing breath, calming her nerves but not enough to make her relax enough for sleep. She buried her head into the side of Corvan's pillow and he scooted over, figuring she must not have enough space or something. As soon as Corvan scooted over though, she moved closer to him again. He realized she just needed someone to be close to, someone who wouldn't be fake in the dark and would wait it out with her untill the lights were turned back on. 

Corvan could do that.

He listened to his sisters breathing. Focusing only on that and forgetting the sounds of the storm outside. His mind drifted to other thoughs, other memories. Most having to do with his sister. Laughs they'd shared recently, jokes only they could understand. Though neither of them had ever said such thing aloud, they were truely best friends. 

Corvan's mind went into over drive. The thoughts of the storm outside vanished and he was left with a memory of Cady and his lemonade stand from last summer. In the memory it was sweltering outside, the lemonade hot and the streets dry as could be. There had been a drought around that time and the pool down the road from the childrens house had invited more and more people to drive past their house where the sign in their front yard, reading "Lemenaid-$.25!", attracted a vast amount of customers the two could barely handle. Corvan wasn't sure why this memory bombarded his mind, but he was pleased with it. A soothing feeling spread throughout him and it took him away for a moment before a crash of thunder brought him back. 

He nearly jumped, but remembered his maybe sleeping sister next to him. With thoughts of the storm going back on outside, Corvan waited for the memory of the storm so long ago with his father to come back. Where he felt trapped and angered. But nothing. 

The memory didn't come. Not at all. He even racked his brain to find it, but couldn't. It was as if he had suddenly lost the memory. 

Instead, he kept finding the memory of selling lemonade floating through his mind. He found it annoying for the first moment, then let the annoyance pass. It was gone, and a better memory had replaced it. How, he didn't know. Why, he didn't know. All he knew was that he was thankful. 

"Cor..?" Cady mumbled, obviously almost asleep. 

"Yes?" he answered, quiet as could be. 

"It's dark," she whispered. 

Corvan tightened the grip on his sisters hand and leaned down toward her ear. 

"Remember," he whispered, as quickly as possible. "Last summer when we had that lemonade stand? Remember how bright it was? And how hot the sun felt?" Cady nodded, with her eyes closed. "Didn't, at the time, you want some darkness? Just a little? For a minute to block out the craziness?"

She was silent for a moment and Corvan guessed that he must have bored her to sleep. But then he heard her soft, tired voice whisper a, "Yes."

"Think about that day right now," he practically comanded her. "You'll be wishing for the serenity of darkness in no time."

"Doubt it," she mumbled. 

Corvan wasn't sure if he had helped any at all, but five minutes later she was, sure enough, asleep. 

Corvan listened to the rain outside and the sound of Cady's breathing. He found something oddly soothing about the combination. 

The thunder had stopped and the lightning as well. All that was left was the steady downpour of rain against the roof and window over his head. 

The rain faded like the end of a sweet song, slowly enough that you knew it was to be the end, but quickly enough that you wanted to hear more. Never in Corvan's life had he wished for a storm to continue. But yet, as he lay, gripping his sisters hand, thinking of lemonade stands and hot summers, all he wanted was what he had finally gotten rid of, but what he now understood. 

He lay, knowing that wishing was pointless sometimes, and made a new memory. One where he discussed darkness and held his best friends hand.

Hello everyone. As you can see, this is my new story. This is just the preface, and the actual story won't be quite like this. A lot of it will just revolve around this particular event. It'll be five years later and will be told it both Cady and Corvan's prospective.

I'm open to any critisizm. Suggestions, whatever. Just lemme know (:

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#2 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 10:55 AM

Jamie this very good!!! :eusa_clap: :eusa_clap: please hurry up and write the first chapter!! anyways, i still think you should call it Drugs and Drama.

Love Always,
Cheyenne/Nic/Randy Jackson/Casy

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#3 Jcrazy


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 11:46 AM

Why thank you, Cheyenne! You are too kind. And as much as you wanted it to b called Drugs and Drama, I believe that title might frighten readers........Hehe.

I would LOVE IT if you guys commented......even if you hate it. All you have to do is simply click reply, type "this sucks" and move on.......although I would probably prefer a "this is good" rather than that......but you get what I'm saying. When I have three readers, I shall update. Unless of course no one else ever comments, then I shall just update for Cheyenne (:

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#4 NikkiandEm


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 02:36 PM

That title might frighten me J!

but knowing u wrote it would make it need to be read!

you are so great at writing. please update soon!

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#5 NikkiandEm


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 02:37 PM

That title might frighten me J!

but knowing u wrote it would make it need to be read!

you are so great at writing. please update soon!

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#6 Jcrazy


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 04:59 PM

That title might frighten me J!

but knowing u wrote it would make it need to be read!

you are so great at writing. please update soon!


Thank you so much, Nikki!! That means a lot to me (: I have the next update ready.....I'll update soon. One more reader maybe....? Hahaha.

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#7 livexlovexdance


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 06:10 PM

^^^ Hahaha you got it! ;)

This is really, really sweet! I always wished I had a brother to do that kind of stuff with. Unfortunately, I don't... *sigh* :( Instead I have a sister who steals my clothes.

Haha anyway, keep up the good work! I'm really excited to read more!

Update soon!

:heartbeat: Sara

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#8 Jcrazy


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 11:15 PM

SARA!!! Yay, I got my third reader (: And I've got to let you know that that was the ideal brother I created there! My three brothers? Yeah, nothing like that. Even though the preface was inspired by something that happened with my brother when I was younger (: Teehee.

Well, I shall stop talking now and update! Here you go!!

Five Years Later

Chapter One
Cady's P.O.V

She was gone. And I couldn't do anything about it. 

It's a terrible feeling. To know that there is absolutly nothing you can do about something. Feeling helpless, in one word, sucks. 

I couldn't bring my mom backs as hard as I tried. No matter how many hours of Mr. Jeffries class I thought about how I could possibly get her back, none of them were possible. None of them were even sane. 

Some were disturbing. Like thinking that if somehow I sacrificed my own life I could see her again....I don't know why I thought like that. I'd always been a dreamer, but about happy fantasy type things. 

"And this is, of course, the last day of class," Mr. Jeffries said, distracting me from yet another daydream about my mom. "So I would like to thank all of you for being such great students this year."

Some of the students hollered back what a great teacher he was and how they'd miss him. He was a good teacher, and a lot of students liked him. But I don't think he'd liked me, considering all the time I spent dazed and clueless in that class. I alwas aced his test though, and got straight A's on all my assignments, pulling the best grades in the class when I did the least work.

When the bell rang, I sighed and grabbed my bag, pulling it over my shoulder. Another reason I spent Mr. Jeffries class daydreaming was because it was the only class I didn't have with Devon. And with him now being my only friend, having pushed the rest of them away when Mom died, I would pretty much be considered a loner without him. I probably still am with him. 

I was walking down the hall to my next class that Devon was in when I heard someone come up behind me.

"Cady!" that way too happy voice said, making the hairs on my neck stand up. "There you are!"

I turned around reluctantly to look at Havan.  

"Hey, Havan," I said, forcing a smile. 

See, Havan is Cory's girlfriend as of last year. She is....nice. Too nice. Annoyingly nice. 

He started going out with her right after mom died which was not a point in history where I was making the best impressions on people. I was angry and upset constantly and seeing Corvan happy made me angrier. 

Havan thought I was possessed probably, acting the way I did. But over time, as I got better, she started talking to me and I realized she was good for Cory. She was organized and kept him in line and probably the only reason Cory didn't fall apart like me was because she kept him put together. 

She was beautiful, too. Blonde hair and baby blue eyes. Everyone loved her because she truely acted like she loved everyone else. 

"Cady," she continued now. "I was wondering, if maybe, by chance, you would do a huge favor for me."

"Um," I said, knowing whatever it was I probably didn't want to do it. "What is it?"

"Well," she said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. "You know Sabrina Burchfield? See, she's moving to Texas. And she was supposed to be on next years yearbook staff." Uh-oh. I did not like where this was going. "And all the other applicants were like a little loopy if you ask me. So, Ms. Fisher—the yearbook advisor—asked me to find someone better suited for the job. Someone organized and dependable and who doesn't have a lot of other things on their hands. And I automatically thought of you!"

Seriously? I am the last person who should be on the staff. First off, I am not that organized. I might be a breath of fresh air compared to my brother, but I'm not super mega crazy organized like Havan. And second, I don't even know what it is you do in yearbook. Well, make the yearbook. But, how?

"Um," I said. "Well, Havan—"

"She would love to," a voice behind me said, as a hand clamped down on my shoulder. 

I looked up at Devon's face and frowned. He was smiling and looking at Havan. 

"Actually, Havan, I—"

"Really?!" Havan said, smiling hugely, her blue eyes shining. "Cady that would just be wonderful!"

"But...." I started, looking at her smile and then at Devon's assuring one. I sighed. "Ok, Havan. I'll do it."

She squelled in a way that could make birds explode the way Fiona makes them in Shrek and jumped forward to tackle me with a hug. 

I noticed Devon put his hands—not descretly—over his ears and back up. She squelled a few more sentences right into my ear then skipped away. 

"Are you high?" I asked Devon, shaking my head at him. 

"Not yet," he said, his usual reply. "Gosh, that girl is squeaky."

He ran a hand through his dark, messy hair and shook his head over dramatically. 

"You're the one who initiated the squell," I accused him. "By signing me up for yearbook? Please, that'll go well."

"You'll do fine in yearbook," he said with a shrug of his broad shoulders. "You like taking pictures and you went through that obsession with scrap booking when we were in seventh grade."

I didn't bother to mention the only scrapbook I'd ever made was for my mom's birthday and I had completly destroyed it right after the funeral. I didn't bother mentioning anything ever that related to my mom. 

"Whatever," I said, turning to walk to English. "Still your fault."

He caught up with me and shook his head again. I glanced over at him and took in how tall he was. It seemed normal to me, but everyone else was a little thrown by his height. He had been one of the shortest guys when I met him in the sixth grade. In fact, the whole reason we became friends was because of his heighth. Some kid was picking on him for being short and I got so angry because of it, so I just "accidentely" spilled the remainder of my lunch on the bully. Then Devon hit him and we bonded over the two weeks of detention we recieved. 

But anyway, now Devon was tall. About 6'4" and for me, he seemed even taller since I was really short. He had me by over a foot. 

"Come on," Devon said as we took our seats in Ms. Collins class. "You have the whole summer to get used to the idea of being on yearbook."

Right. Summer....

Corvan's P.O.V

"She said yes, babe!" Havan called, all the way down the hallway still. 

I shook my head at my girlfriend. She was beautiful and smart and the most amazing girl ever, but she lacked some common sense at time. 

I was actually surprised Cady had said yes to being on yearbook staff. She didn't do any sort of extra curricular activities now, since Mom died. But I guess it's true and Havan really is impossible to say no to. 

"Shhh, babe," I said, trying to calm her down as some people looked our way. "That's great. I told you she would."

"You said she wouldn't," Havan gloated. "Liar. She soooo said yes! I'm so excited! I have to go tell Ms. Fisher, but I'll meet you at lunch. OK, babe?"

"OK," I said, smiling as she stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Bye."

I watched her skip off and rolled my eyes. She was amazing maybe, but absolutly insane. 

I walked by myself to my next class. I passed by Cady and Devon who didn't see me. 

I don't know what's with those two. Everyone already thinks they're going out so I don't know why they don't. He's the only person she'll even sort of talk to. And even then, she still seems to act closed off. I would try to talk to her, but she pretty much shut me out of her life when Mom died. 

I got over it and she didn't. She claims she's fine now, and everyone seems to believe her. But I know if she was fine, she would actually maybe, by chance, atleast speak to me. Or yell at me even. She won't even get angry with me like she used to. She's just quiet and won't say anything. I rather her yell to be honest. 

But I'd pretty much given up on her. 

"Hey, man, Cory," I heard someone say behind me as I took my seat. 

"Yeah?" I asked when I turned around and saw Jason Adams, crazy and annoying, but the most hillarious guy you'll ever meet. 

"You have got to come to Kiara's party tonight," he said, grinning. "It is supposed to be crazy. Bring Havan. I'm supposed to spread the word."

"We'll see, man," I said, smiling. As much as spending time with Havan appealed to me, a party wasn't quite as appealing. But then a thought occured to me. 

"Hey..." I asked slowly. "Can I bring my sister?"

"You mean Cady?" he asked. I nodded. "Yeah, sure. The more hot girls the better."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned back around in my seat. I decided right then I think that I didn't want to really give up on my sister. 

This summer I think I was going to tackle mission impossible of getting Cady to open up. 

This shall be an interesting summer.

Hmm. Yes, that was quite different from the preface. But future events will revolve around it. (: So please tell me what you think.


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#9 livexlovexdance


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Posted 14 June 2010 - 11:42 PM

Great chapter!

Aw... poor Cady and Corvan. :icon_mecry2: Losing someone you really care about sucks. Especially when it means that you lose a bunch of other people while you're still grieving.

I really like Devon! He seems like a sweet guy!

Update soon!

:heartbeat: Sara

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#10 Allthingsstellar


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Posted 15 June 2010 - 04:08 AM

don't change the title! The title is what attracted me...I love your names :)

and the story....I like both Havan and Devon :D


Rivea :icon_flower:
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#11 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 15 June 2010 - 08:22 AM

I really like this James. Writen a lot better than some of your others.

Havan sounds like a super hyper chick, that's fun to be around. And Devon is super uber sweet.

Poor Cady. Poor Corvan. Losing their mom. Will we ever know how she died?! Perhaps I'd like to know. Teehee

I loved the part where Havan squelled and Cady compared it to Fiona from Skrek. Lmelo. And it's probably cause we just saw the last Shrek movie. DO THE ROAR! lmelo

update soon! *kiss kiss*

Love Always,
Cheyenne/Nic/Randy Jackson/Casy
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#12 Jcrazy


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Posted 15 June 2010 - 01:32 PM

Sara: Thank you (: I know, it sucks. But things will hopefully get better (:

Rivea: Thank you bunches!! (: Yeah, lol. My friend wanted me to call it Drugs and Drama even though I don't think there's going to be any drugs!!! Haha. Yeah, I like thinking of names (: Thanks again.

Cheyenne: thank you!!! I feel like I'm writing this better. And yes, you'll figure out how she died later on definitely. And yes the squel thing was because of shrek!!! Lol. Thanks again darlin.

Ok I shall update really soon! I promise. I'm almost done with the next chapter so I'll probably update tonight or tomorrow.

jamie :)
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#13 Jcrazy


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Posted 15 June 2010 - 06:16 PM

Chapter Two
Cady's P.O.V

"And we are free," Devon said, grinning as we took the final few steps out of the school. 

"Joy," I said in a voice that wasn't all that excited. Because, really, I didn't have much to look forward to over the summer except maybe finding a job. I could drive now and if I wanted a car, even if Dad insisted he could buy me one, I wanted to do it on my own. 

Cory had a car that his friend had hooked him up with. It's a beat up, old, blue mustang. I couldn't tell you the year, just that it's ancient. He got a job at the one movie rental place in town to help pay for the gas money Dad didn't chip in. 

I mostly caught rides with Devon, to and from school. He was only about a five minute drive from my house and Cory was always picking Havan up, and that mustang is not big enough for me when they're in it. 

"So what are your plans for the summer?" Devon asked, as we made our way across the parking lot to his truck. 

He had a nice Ford truck that his daddy had bought him when he turned sixteen at the beginning of this sophmore year. His family was, sort of, rich. Although they didn't act like it. 

His dad owned the towns car dealership (we live in a small town, ok? So we aren't too fancy here anyway, as it is) and is the nicest guy you'll ever meet. And his mom is a teacher at the elementary school. He has a little sister, Miranda, who is seriously the smartest eleven year old on the face of the planet. Then he has an older brother, Chris, who is away at college, surely studying to be something important since he is like Miranda, a genious. 

"I don't know," I admitted, pushing my bag to the floorboard and grabbing his collection of CDs that was piling at my feet. "Probably get job. I need money," I added, flipping through what I dearly hoped were Miranda's CDs. 

"Those are Miranda's," he confirmed, making me sigh with relief. 

"Oh, thank God," I said, rolling my eyes. "I was hoping you hadn't developed a sudden liking to Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift (A/N: I have nothing against either of these artist! I am guilty of having songs by both of them!)."

He laughed. "No, Cady," he said, shaking his head and making his brown eyes melt in the light. 

See, there's something about the combination of Devon Macavoy's smile and laugh and eyes that make me feel.....eh, they make me feel like maybe when I turned him down in the sixth grade to be my dance partner in gym class, I was mistaken. 

But he was my best friend, my only friend, and I swore when I was thirteen and he asked if I had a zone out attack condition due to the fact of all the times I got lost in his eyes, that I would never be more than friends with him. 

And I like it that way. 

I shuffled around in his glove compartment untill I found a halfway decent burned CD, that I'm pretty sure I had made, with some Lifehouse and The Fray and Snow Patrol songs on it. 

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do this summer," he said, while Hanging By a Moment blasted through his speakers. "NO thing. Nothing at all. And you want to know why?"

"Um, because you can?" I guessed, which was one of his usual responses. 

"Nope," he said. "Because I have nothing to do."

I shot him a sideways glance. "You always have something to do though," I said, sort of surprised. 

And it was true. He had family all over the place, and some rich grandparents that lived in Europe now. He was always going out of state—or even out of the country!—on vacations to visit them. 

"No one even mentioned anything about me coming to visit," he said, shaking his head and tapping his hands rhythmically against the wheel. "So this summer, I shall be able to spend every second with you, my dear," he added jokingly. 

"Oh, that's too much excitement for me to handle," I said, smiling as if the idea of spending every moment with him actually intriuged me. Please. 

Although, if my time had to be given to someone, I couldn't think of anyone else that I would spend it with. My old two best girlfriends, Emma and Cassidy, hadn't talked to me since I completly shut them out. And to be honest, I didn't have anything to say to them. So it was probably best I just kept hanging around with Devon, seeing as he's the only one who even vaugely understands how shitty life was for me right after Mom passed. How hectic it was, with my dad just as messed up as me, untill he sucked it up and went back to work, and kept working. And working. 

My dad was a pharmacy technician at the towns drug store, and if he wanted more hours, all he had to do was ask his boss, and he would gladly give them to him. So, he was pretty much constantly working for a few months after Mom died and I seriously doubted that being surronded by drugs was the best idea for him. 

"Oh, I don't blame you," Devon said, dragging me out of my thoughts. I looked over at him grinning. "Ooh, maybe we could good jobs together! And work together all summer, and then when we're not working we can always hang out and maybe I could even move into your house so that—"

"Devon Lee Macavoy, slow down boy," I said, shaking my head at him. I smiled, and he smiled back. He knew getting me in a good mood was tough, and was probably pretty proud he'd just accompolished it. "Possibly we could catch a movie or two, or even perhaps get a bite to eat. But if I have to see you 24/7 I will very graphically claw my eyes out with a fork and make you eat them."

"Oh, my God!" he said, shaking his head in disgust. "That is nasty! Cady, honestly. Was that descriptiveness necessary?"

"I felt it was," I said, simply with a shrug. 

I was smiling, thinking that, hey, maybe this summer won't completly suck, as I pulled into the driveway. 

Then I saw Cory waiting on the porch. For yours truely. 

Corvan's P.O.V

When they pulled up in Devon's truck, I was beginning to doubt that my plan to get Cady to this party would even work. 

But she was slightly smiling, which recently, for Cady, is a big deal. So I figured that maybe I had a shot atleast. 

She hopped out of the passenger door and Devon jumped out of his side. Cady walked gracefully (she's always sort of skipped or walked majestically everywhere she walks. I can't explain it. It's like, she could probably dance if she tried) towards the porch with her bag over her shoulder, and her black, curly hair bounced up and down. 

"How did you beat us here?" she asked, surprised. She was in a good mood, I could already tell. 

"I have my ways," I said, smiling slyly. And those ways are also called speeding down the back rodes. 

"Where's Havan?" she asked. 

"She caught a ride with Lea," I said, refering to her best friend. After I had explained to her I was going to get home and try to convince Cady to come to Kiara's party with us, she had thought it was a good idea and had confirmed she would do her best to help me with my plan to help Cady open up. 

"Oh," she said, with a shrug. Devon came up next to her and lazily put his arm around her shoulders. She laughed a little—a sound that's so rare to me now, it seems, but used to be so common—and pushed him away. "You really aren't doing to do anything this summer," she said, shaking her head at him. 

I didn't bother trying to jump into whatever she was talking about, since there was a very slim chance I'd understand. They always seemed to have conversations that no one could pick up on and understand the humor the way they apparently do. 

"I actually wanted to ask you something," I said, clearing my throat.

"You have permission to ask me," Cady said. 

"Well," I said, running a hand through my hair. "You see....I was wondering if maybe you might want to....if you might be interested in going to....if by chance you could possibly be open to the idea of...."

"Spit it out, man," Devon said, pulling his pack of gum from his pocket. Devon always has gum with him, a new flavor all the time it seems like.

I sighed and said, "Cady, why don't you come with Havan and me to a party tonight?"

She just pretty much stared at me for a few moments, as if that idea was as insane as Havan's dream of meeting Randy Jackson (don't ask about this. It's something I've learned to ignore). 

Then, after a few more moments, she said, "Is everyone high today?"

I didn't know what she was talking about, but Devon started laughing and she rolled her eyes. 

"No, Cory," she said, shaking her head, and smiling like the idea was just so crazy. "I don't think so."

She started to walk onto the porch, her converses making hardly any noise. I shot a desperate look at Devon, that hopefully said "come on, man! I need to make my sister not so depressed. Help me out here."

Apparently, it sort of did since he nodded and hopped after Cady. 

"Cad," he said, stopping her as she walked into the family room. "Would you go if I went?"

She looked at him like he was crazy. "I wouldn't go if Gandalf was going, Dee."

"What would convince you to go?" I asked, while she dropped her bag to the couch. 

She stared at me for a moment, before a slow wicked smile started to come across her face. 

"Twenty bucks," she said, leaning casually against the back of the couch and crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Ten," I countered. 

"Nineteen," she said, smiling even more. 

"Fifteen," I said, knowing that she would agree on that. 

"Eh...deal," she said with a shrug. She held out her hand. "Cough it up."

I knew she knew that I was trying to just get her out, and I would probably pretty much do anything to do so. And she had her ways of bargaining. 

I fished in my pocket for my walet then pulled out the money and gave it to her.

"So I really have to go to this crap?" she asked, pretending to check the money to see if it was counterfeit. 

"Or give me my money back," I said, nodding. 

"You better come," she said, eyeing Devon. 

"I will personally escourt you there myself," Devon said, smiling and colapsing back on the couch. 

"See, Cady," I said, as she slipped the money in the pocket of her jeans. "This'll be fun."

And I honestly thought that at the time.          

Tell me what you think.

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#14 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 15 June 2010 - 06:31 PM

Oh James, this is aBsolutly wonderful. Couldn't be better! ;) ;) ;)

Havan, We share the same dream! LONG LIVE RANDY JACKSON!! :heartbeat: Devon is honestly hilarious. High as crap. And not drug high, but sugar, or hyper high. Awesome.

Oh Cady, lighten up! Way to bargain! I would have stuck with the twenty though! ;) oh Corvan, hope your plan is successful! ;)

I laughed so hard when Cady said she wouldn't go even if Gandoff was there!! Amazing!!

Update! ^I am Gandoff the Great! You shall not pass^

Love Always,
Cheyenne/Nic/Randy Jackson/Casy

P.S. :heartbeat: Randy Jackson :heartbeat:
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#15 livexlovexdance


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Posted 15 June 2010 - 10:06 PM

Awesome update!

Devon sounds like a hottie! Too bad she's so hard up for friends or I bet they would be going out by now!

Aw, poor Cory, trying to help her. I hope she's able to move on soon!

Update soon!

:heartbeat: Sara

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#16 Allthingsstellar


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Posted 16 June 2010 - 04:44 AM

lol, so if it wasn't fun, what was it? ;0

Update soon

Rivea :icon_flower:
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#17 Jcrazy


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Posted 16 June 2010 - 12:26 PM

Cheyenne: THANK YOU!!!!! Soooo much (: And yes, we ALL love Randy Jackson. And gandalf. Duh. Haha.

Sara: Thank you (: Me smiled when I read that. Haha.

Rivea: Thanks. And I guess you'll see...... (;
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#18 NikkiandEm


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Posted 16 June 2010 - 03:57 PM

Update soon! i must hear more!!

too many school books, i need an escape!

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#19 Jcrazy


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Posted 16 June 2010 - 10:21 PM

Nikki: Thank you dude! You're still in school? I'm sooo sorry!!! Hope you get out soon (: I'll update suuuuper soon.
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#20 Jcrazy


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Posted 17 June 2010 - 10:20 AM

Chapter Three 
Cady's P.O.V. 

I never was really thinking, while Cory was convincing me to go to the party, that it was a party that I was going to. Just that it was a social gathering. And, me? Not so social. 

But, hey, I got fifteen dollars so maybe that makes it worth it. 

"I can't believe you're going to this party, too," I told Devon, who was sprawled out on my day bed in my room. It was the same room I'd always had, since I was a baby. Except for the fact that Cory no longer occupied half of it, ever since he moved to the guest room and completly took over it in eighth grade. 

"I can't believe you're still going on about it," he said, shaking his head and flipping through the book I was reading. It was a Sarah Dessen book which I couldn't imagine him ever even reading the back cover of, since he wasn't that big a reader and if he did read, I would hope it wouldn't be a chick flick. 

"I just find it odd that you are even going in the first place," I said easily, shrugging and looking at my computer. I was reading fanfiction, which is what I spend half my free time doing now it seems like. "I mean, you aren't exactly a party guy."

"So?" he asked, annoyed. "I'm just trying to help you out here, getting you out of the house."

"I don't mind being in the house," I said, scrolling through the list of books. "I actually enjoy being alone, despite what you and Cory may think."

"What?" he asked. "Do you think I'm in kahoots with Cory?"

"I honestly wouldn't be surprised," I said, spinning around in my chair to face him. "I mean, ever since Mom died, I have been different. But I don't mind. So I don't think you need to change me."

I knew talking about death with Devon wasn't something he was exactly comfortable with. He was just as bad as I was at dealing with it, but he couldn't say it aloud as good as I could.

"Erm," he mumbled. "Well, I just think you should have some fun. No strings attached."

I shrugged. "I'll go to the party. But don't count on getting me to come to anymore."

"I don't count on going to anymore myself," he said, flinging my book on the ground.

"Pick it up," I commanded. I kept my room organized, something I hadn't been able to do when I'd had Cory as a roommate. 

"Eh, I'll get it in a second," he mumbled, rolling over and facing the wall. 

"No," I sad, rising from my chair. "You'll get it now."

"Come on, Cady," he said with a yawn. "I'm sleepy. Just wake me up before the party."

"Not untill you pick up my book," I said firmly, pointing towards it on the ground, although he wasn't even looking at me. 

He didn't even respond, so I grabbed the pillow from the end of the bed and wacked him up side the head with it. 

"Oww!" he cried, although it couldn't have hurt that bad. 

He rolled over, back to facing me, and looked at me annoyed. 

"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his head. 

"For not picking up my book," I said, smiling a little victoriously. 

He rolled his eyes and reached down to the carpet to grab it, but he grabbed my ankle instead, making me tumble forward onto the bed, landing on his back. 

"What is wrong with you?" I asked, wacking his head reapeatedly with that pillow again. 

Instead of responding, he just pushed me off his back, next to him. 

"Let me move," I said, when I was pinned between him and the side of my bed pressed against the wall. 

"No," he said simply, closing his eyes as if he was about to take a nap. 

"Yes," I said, pushing against his shoulder that didn't budge. Why must my best friend be so large? I didn't like being in this close of proximity with anyone. Well, I used to. But that was before Mom and all. 

After a few more moments of quiet "no's" from him and loud "yes's" from me, I heard my door open.   

"Well excuse me," Cory's highly amused voice said, as he went ahead and continued to walk through the door. 

"You're excused," I said. "Now leave."

He sighed. "Ah, but it is time for the party," he said. "You need to change."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I asked, looking down at my dark jeans and black shirt that read "Be nice to America or we'll bring democracy to your country." And of course, my black hightops. 

"You can't wear that," Cory said, shaking his head incredulously. "You have to wear a skirt or something half way decent."

"No I don't," I said, hitting Devon's shoulder. "I don't have to change, do I Devon?"

"Well," he said, sitting up and letting me as well. "It wouldn't hurt you to dress up. You haven't dressed up since...."

Ackward moment. I hadn't dressed up since Mom died and we all knew it. I used to dress up some, for fun. But after she died, I sort of gave up on clothes and got rid of half my dressy clothes. 

"Yeah," Cory said. "Come on, dress up for me, please?"

"No," I replied, angrily. 

"Don't make me," Cory said, pulling out his cell phone. 

I looked at it. I knew what he was speaking of. Someone who would force me to get dressed up. Someone who you really couldn't say no to. Cue scary music now.  


"You're bluffing," I said, eyeing his phone. 

"Oh, I don't think so," he said. "She'd be here in five minutes flat. In fact, I'm going to give her a little call....."

Oh, how I hate my brother. 


Corvan's P.O.V

Havan was there in exactly six minutes. 

"Ok," she said, making a pretty grand entrance, pushing the door open, swinging her ginormous pocket book around. "Where is she?"

"In her room," I replied, leaning down and kissing her cheek. 

It didn't even phase her as started to walk back down the hallway to Havan's room. 

"Devon," I heard her say, as soon as she entered. "Out."

I heard some bickering then Devon was pushed out of the room. And the door was slammed. 

"Hey," he said, walking over to where I'd sat down on the couch. 

"Hi," I said. 

I'm not really sure if I would count Devon as one of my friends. We get along, but when he and Cady first started hanging out in middle school, I hadn't liked it because she was never around anymore it seemed like. 

And then when Mom died, he was the only person she would talk to, not even me who she had always atleast been able to mention serious stuff to. 

But overall, he's a nice guy and he treats her well and should really have asked her out a long time ago since it's so obvious he likes her. Although, he would probably never admit it. 

"So," he said, while I turned the television on to a football game. "You're trying to get Cady to....have fun?" he guessed. 

"I'm trying to make her...open up, is more like it," I said, propping my feet up on the coffee table. 

"And you actually think that's going to happen?" he asked skeptically. 

"Hey, she talks to you," I said with a shrug. 

"Well, yeah," he admitted. "But it's not like she'll even really mention anything about....you know. Which is probably why she kept me around. I was the only person who didn't talk to her about....your mom, when she died. I just tried to act like everything was half way normal."

I sighed, not wanting to go into anything having to do with my mom. Havan had told me, just try not to think about it. And I hadn't. Atleast, not much. 

Fifteen minutes of football and no conversation later, Havan's squeel rang down the hall.

"Baby, baby, baby!" Havan called excited, coming up behind me. "She looks sooooo good. See, look—"

She turned arous, expecting to see Cady, but seeing nothing instead. 

"Cady!" she screamed. "Get out here!"

"Noooo!" she yelled back. "I look....."

"Amazing!" Havan yelled, smiling. "Come on!"

A minute later I watched her trudge out of the room reluctantly and she looked....well, Devon obviously thought she looked good. 

"You should wear skirts more often," he declared, nodding his head and smiling. 

"Shut up," she growled. 

"You do look good," I told her honestly.

And she did. She had on a short, dark jean skirt and a dark purple shirt that tied around her neck and.....her hightops. 

"You're wearing converses?" I asked incredulously.

"Ah, she wouldn't budge on that," Havan said with a shrug. "Oh, well. I got to straighten her hair!"

Yeah, she sure had. Cady's usaully curly hair was straight and a lot longer....although I'm guessing that's because it was straight. 

"Stop staring at me," she snapped at Devon and me. 

"My bad," Devon said, dropping his head and pretending to be dissapointed in his self. 

"Ok, ok, ok," Havan said smiling. "Let's just go."

Cady moaned and Devon grinned. 

"You're driving me?" she said, looking at Devon and pouting. 

"Mhm," he said. 

She sighed and started walking to the front door while Devon followed examining the back of her very thoroughly then giving a thumbs up to Havan to indicate she'd done a very good job. Havan laughed and Cady turned to glare at us for a second before stomping out to Devon's truck. 

Devon followed her then Havan said, "Come on, Cory. Let's go."

I put my arm around her shoulder. 

"Right," I said. "Let's go to the party."

Tell me what you think. The next chapter is my favorite so far.

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#21 livexlovexdance


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Posted 17 June 2010 - 11:21 AM

That was so funny!

I really like Havan! She makes me laugh the way she just marches in and takes complete charge. :D

"Be nice to America or we'll bring democracy to your country."

I laughed SO hard when I read that!!! That's possibly my favorite thing in the whole chapter... :)

Update soon!

:heartbeat: Sara

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#22 Jcrazy


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Posted 17 June 2010 - 11:38 AM

Sara: Haha. Thanks!! I actually can't take credit for that line, I got it off a bumper sticker (: Hahaha. And Havan's cool. I wanted her to be crazy yet likeable.
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#23 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 17 June 2010 - 02:19 PM

Julia!! That was amzing!!'

Havan hilarious. Devon is soooo adoriable. I smiled when he tropes Cady on the bed. Hehe


The t-shirt thing, hilarious!!

Update soon! "she's past the second Ore!"

:heartbeat: Cheyenne
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#24 Allthingsstellar


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Posted 18 June 2010 - 05:30 AM

aww, I liked Devon! and I LOVE HAVAN! Sometimes, I like Havan better than Cady...

Update soon :)

Rivea :icon_flower:
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#25 Jcrazy


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Posted 18 June 2010 - 01:55 PM

Cheyenne: Thank you so much!!! Yeah, I like the tshirt slogan. Hehe.

Rivea: Thanks. I like Havan, too! Ah, she reminds me of someone (:

I'll update sooooooon. Next chapters my favorite (:

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#26 Jcrazy


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Posted 18 June 2010 - 05:43 PM

I like to update (: Makes me feel like I accomplished something. So here you go. An update.

Chapter Four
Cady's P.O.V.

"Mom," I sighed, pulling at my seatbelt. "Everyone is going! Why can't I?"

"Honey," she said, glancing at me. "You are twelve. I am not going to let you go to a party where no ones going to be home. You know better than that."

"Mom!" I cried again. "You don't get it! Nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't know that," she sighed, annoyed, running a hand through her dark, curly hair. Something she always did when she was annoyed with Cory or me. 

"Yes I do," I mumbled quietly, but loud enough so that she could still here.       

"Cady!" Devon called, from the drivers seat. 

I jumped and turned away from the window quickly, shaking off the memory like I had to do way too often. 

"What?" I asked. 

"We're here," he said, glancing around the dark surronding us. 

"Am I supposed to be excited?" I asked, pretending to be annoyed. 

"No, you're supposed to get your butt out of the car," he replied, pulling the key out of the ignition. 

I rolled my eyes as I got out and slammed the door. 

"This won't be that bad," Devon said, coming up beside me. 

I shot his a sideways glance. "THAT bad? That doesn't sound THAT good."

"You'll live through it," he said with a shrug.

"Gee, that makes me feel good," I said, smiling bitterly. 

We made our way up to Kiara's house. Apparently Kiara was rich, because that house was WOW. 

The walkway up to the extravagant entrance was stone and unnecessarily long. The front lawn was huge with flowers scattered all in front of the ginormous, white, Victorian home. 

"Fancy," Devon said, nodding, as we stepped in through the open door.

He was right. It did look fancy. And it would be fancy if there hadn't been half a million teenagers running around and sucky music (in my opinion) blasting and  drunk (oh, they were definitely drunk) guys and girls grinding. 

"I've had enough, let's go," I said quickly, turning around and preparing to get my little skirted behind out of there. 

"Oh, come back here," Devon said, grabbing my arm and pulling me back around. "You can do this, Cady Troms. I believe in you."

"May the force be with you as well," I said loudly, over the music, glancing around to see of Cory and Havan were here yet, although I hadn't seen his car. 

"Oh, and by the way," Devon said. "If you drink, I kill you."

I glared at him. "You're never going go let that go, are you?" I asked angrily. 

See, I might have once, accidentaly, in the eighth grade gone to a horse sale with Cassidy (she is like an amazing horse show-er or whatever you call it) where there was alcohol everywhere. Of course, Devon was there, too. Just because he went everywhere I did. And I simply got a Mountain Dew. But, I learned, if you're smart, you don't sat said drink down for ten minutes and then come back to it. Because, somehow, someone will put alcohol in it because they think you want them to. 

"Nope, never," Devon said. "You just kept chugging and chugging that drink down like there was no tomorrow and—"

"I get it," I mumbled. I shifted around uncomfortably in that skirt and glanced around the room again. 

I recognized a lot of people. From classes. And then a few kids who had come back from college land to see how we were doing. Or hit on the girls is more like it. 

"Devon Macavoy!" a voice said, slowly and loudly (and very possibly drunk) from the side where Devon and I had moved to the wall.

I turned and saw Jason Adams (funny, I'll admit. But completly stuck up and over rated by girls). Holding a red plastic cup (why must they always be red? That color isn't all that great. Try blue sometime....) and smiling sort of like an idiot. Which might not be so far off.....

"Hey...Jason...." Devon said, confused. Probably because he and Jason weren't friends or anything and spoke as often as I did with the guy. 

"Who have you brought with you this evening?" Jason said lazily, eyeing me. 

I was trying not to laugh, because the look on Jason's face was priceless, while I said, "Uh, Jason. I've known you since kindergarten."

He eyed me skeptically for another moment before snapping his fingers. Actually, it was more like an atempt to snap since his fingers barely brushed against each other. 

"I got it!" he said, dropping his hand. "Cady! Cory's sister....the one who's mom died, right?"

I suddenly didn't feel like laughing anymore. 

"Dude...." Devon said, looking worriedly between Cory and me. "Be quiet."

"Excuse me?" Jason asked, with a humorless laugh. 

"Devon, come on," I sighed, not wanting him to get into an argument with a drunk guy. Even though Devon could so take him. 

It's not like I didn't know everyone knew about my mom's death. Half the town, it seemed like, came out for the funeral. She'd been a second grade teacher and taught almost half the kids in my grade anyway. They'd all loved her. Everyone had loved her. 

I grabbed Devon's sleve of his t-shirt and tugged him away, leaving Jason standing there. Jason just shrugged, probably confused, and walked off towards either probably find a beer or a girl.

"Sorry...." Devon said to me when we were in what I assumed was like a game room, with a pool table and a couple of couches, plus a flat screen with several people surronding it as someone beasted on Gutair Hero. 

"Forget it," I said, looking away. "Please," I added more quietly. 

Forgetting wasn't so easy I learned. It was easier when I thought that no one but me really remembered, but knowing that other people, when they saw me, still thought about my mom, really made it difficult to forget. 

"You got it," Devon said. He sighed and looked over towards the front of the house. "Hey, your brothers here."

"Joy," I replied. Although, knowing he was there did give me atleast some sense of security that I wasn't alone. Even with Devon, I knew he didn't really understand anything that was going on with me. 

"You want like a soda or something?" Devon asked me. 

"Um," I said, glancing at the group of people watching Gutair Hero blare. "Sure. Mountain Dew....nothing added." 

He grinned and said he'd be right back. 

I walked slowly over to the couch with people around it. 

I stepped around, so I was next to the screen. They all turned to look at who was nearly in the way of the screen. 

"Can I play?" I asked. 

Nobody says no to the dead mom's daughter. 


Corvan's P.O.V. 

"LeMONade!" I chanted, hopping up and down the sidewalk in front of the house.

I knew I looked like an idiot, hopping around. But I really think it attracted potential customers.

"Honey!" I heard Mom call from the front steps. 

I hopped around quickly to face her. I knew by the way she said "honey" she was talking to me and not Cady. There was always something in her tone that I could guess. 

"Yeah, Mom?!" I screamed, looking past Cady and our lemonade stand to her. 

"You need to put some sunscreen on!" she called back. "You're going to burn to death in this heat!"

"Mooooommm!" I moaned. "Come on, it's not that sunny."

Lie. It felt like the hottest day I'd ever seen. But what if a customer walked by and didn't notice our lemonade stand because I wasn't out there?

I heard her sigh loudly. "If you burn, baby, don't come crying to me."

I grinned and hopped back around to scream "lemonade" some more. 

I burned bad.

"Park here!" Havan said, loudly, pointing toward an open spot. 

I shook my head—why was I thinking about that?— and parked the car. 

"Are you OK?" she asked, eyeing me curiously when we got out of the car. "You sort of spaced out for a second."

"Fine," I replied immeadiatly. "I was just thinking."

"Thinking's not always healthy," she said simply. 

I rolled my eyes and put my arm around her bare shoulders, with the strapless shirt she had on, and tugged her closer to me. I leaned over towards her hair and kissed the top of her head, breathing in whatever amazing smell that is. Vanilla or something strong and sweet that I love to death. 

When we walked in, the smell of beer and the sound of music over powered everything. I looked around and spotted Cady and Devon standing in Kiara's game room. A moment later, Devon was walking towards us. 

"Hello," he said, waving and smiling as he walked by. "Off to get the lady a drink."

I grabbed his arm and said, "You do remember the horse sale of two and a half years ago, don't you?"

He laughed. "A Mountain Dew, man. Don't worry."

He walked off towards the kitchen while I noticed Havan already talking to Bethany Ann, one of her billion friends.

"Hey, babe," I said to her. "I'm going to get a drink, want one?"

"No, thank you," she said, smiling and barely glancing at me. 

I shrugged and walked to the kitchen. I pushed the door open to find the just plain expensive looking kitchen, covered in drinks and food. People were leaning against the counters, talking way too loud. 

"Hey," I said to Devon as I walked up next to him and grabbed myself a coke. I don't drink. Period. Just because I don't want to do something stupid untill I can legally drink. Or, I really rather not do anything stupid then either. But it'd be better then now.

"Yo," he said, looking through the drinks. "Crap. Do you see a Mountain Dew?"

"Get her a Sprite," I told him, taking a long sip of my Coke. 

"Eh, fine," he mumbled, grabbing the can and then a Coke for himself. 

"So how did the party go before I arrived?" I questioned, leaning back against the counter.      

"Terrible," he responded easily. "Jason the Jackass has already mentioned your mom."

I groaned. I knew Jason was probably off drunk and getting drunker, but the boy needed to learn to control his mouth. 

"How's Cady?" I inquired.

"She just brushed it off," he reported. "Although, it probably did bug her."

"Where's she now?" I asked. 

"Game room," he answered, nodding in that direction. 

I started walking that way, and heard him following behind. But when we got half way there we were stopped by Havan. 

"Oh. My. Gosh," she said, dramatically, looking at me. "You have got to see this."

She grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the game room where we were headed anyway. 

First thing I noticed was the crowd of people surronding the television. I couldn't see the person they were rooting for, but they were obviously good from the two hundred note streak they'd just recieved. 

But then when Havan had pushed us through the crowd of teenagers, I saw who it was rocking on Hard level. 

My sister was beastly at Gutair Hero. 

"Cady, whoa," I heard Devon say, to no one in particular. 

"Since when can she play like that?!" I demanded to know, over the television volume. 

"Well," Devon said, staring frantically at the screen. "I remember when we were in seventh grade and went to Mia Bingham's house she learned how to play....and she beat us all....but now she's just...."

"Amazing!" Havan hollered. 

"Exactly," I agreed, nodding my head and leaning closer to see the television.

She kept playing, and half the party kept on watching. When she finished her song I watched her stare at the screen for a moment then shake her head. 

She was about to turn around, and was in the process of bringing the gutair controller over her head when someone said something. 

"Whooo! Girl with the dead mama can play!"

I slowly turned my head to look back at Jason Adams, as did everyone else. 

I'd watched Cady freeze as she took the gutair off and that was enough for me. 

"What did you say?" I asked, glaring at Jason. 

He was so drunk it wasn't even funny anymore. The party could only have been going on for an hour before we got there and he was completly wasted. 

"I said—" he began, like an idiot. 

"He knows what you said, jackass," Devon said, rolling his eyes and turning around towards Cady. 

Everyone around us was silent and I listened closely while Devon asked Cady if she was ok and if she wanted him to kill Jason. 

"What is your problem?" I asked Jason. "You didn't have to say that."

"But it's true," he responded, while everyone around us listened intently. 

I glared at him for a moment and then said, "You don't know anything about Cady or me. So why don't you just—" and then I suggested he do something that's probably not actually physically possible.  

"Excuse me?" he asked, glancing around at all the people staring at us. 

"You heard me," I said, leaning back against the couch. "Now just get away, Jason."

He tried to hit me then, but he was so slow and sloppy about it, I had time to duck so he rammed his fist into the couch while I simply stepped aside. 

People sort of laughed at Jason while Kiara came in the room, looked around with her big, brown eyes and then pointed at Jason. 

After she kicked him out, he didn't even really fight it, I went over to Cady while people slapped my back and said, "It's about time."

"Sorry," I told her, grabbing her shoulders. 

She looked up at me. She was trying to decided wether or not to be angry, I could tell. So I made it easier.  

"You can go home now and keep the money," I told her.

She smiled a little bit. 

"Thank you," she said softly, grabbing Devon's arm. "You going home too?"

"Whenever Havan's ready," I said with a shrug. 

Something crossed her face, almost like a scowl, but then she shook it off and nodded at me. 

I watched her and Devon retreat outside and then I looked over at Havan. 

"That was sweet of you," she told me, wrapping her arms around my neck. 

"I try," I sighed. 

But, honestly, I could probably try a bit harder. 

Tell me what you seriously think about it please :]

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#27 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 18 June 2010 - 06:00 PM

Beautiful. But first, Sprite is no where as good as Mountain Dew. And you know that.

Havan, you are so nice. Devon, ROCK ON!

Cady, beast at GH. Sorry bout Jason. Jasons a jackass. Corvan, TRY HARDER! she's closing up. Again.

The most hilarious part I think is when Cady told Devon; "Let the force be with you." priceless


:spinstar: Cheyenne
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#28 kylie


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Posted 18 June 2010 - 07:18 PM

This is amazing :heartbeat:
Seriously, your stories are so beyond good.

Keep it up!
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#29 livexlovexdance


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Posted 18 June 2010 - 07:49 PM

Poor Cady! Why can't that stupid Jason guy just leave her alone?

But yay Devon and Cory for standing up for her! And I'm glad Kiara kicked him out! I already like her!

I LOVE Mountain Dew! That made me kind of want some... hmm... :D

Update soon!

:heartbeat: Sara

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#30 Allthingsstellar


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Posted 19 June 2010 - 02:47 AM

loved the last line, lol!

and I really don't get the difference between Mountain Dew and Sprite...it all tastes the same to me :) I'm slightly retarded, haha :)

Update soon?

Rivea :icon_flower:

Edited by Allthingsstellar, 19 June 2010 - 02:48 AM.

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#31 suze.angelova


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Posted 19 June 2010 - 06:06 AM

wow, this is really really good!!! i want cady to go out with davon already cos they'd be sooo cute together :) update soon if you can ;)

suze <3
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#32 Jcrazy


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Posted 19 June 2010 - 11:18 PM

Cheyenne: Thanks man. Yes, we all know Mountain Dew is the best drink on this planet. Although, of it's not there, the next best choice is sprite. And if it's not there, you might as well die (this is not a referance to suicide; I know you've given up soda, but I don't want you to kill yourself). And yes, Jason sucks (the story Jason. Not THAT Jason!). We'll see if she opens up.......

Kylie: Thank you! That's one of the best complements I can recieve. :)

Sara: Thanks!! Yeah, stuppppid Jason :( Kiara's really not going to be part of the story, but, yeah I like her, too!! Mountain Dew IS the bomb...... :)

Rivea: Thanks dude!! My friend says the same things about sodas....but I still am slightly obsessed over Mountain Dew....she thinks it makes me hyper though or something :D hehe.

Suze: Thank you soooo much! Devon and Cady together? Hmm, I don't know. We'll see I guess :)
:) :) :)

Ok everyone. *sigh* Well, you see, I wanted to space out my updates and not make them quite so frequent as they appear to be coming. But my nosy and annoying friend (luv yah dude!) Cheyenne (<3cheese<3) keeps FORCING me to update! Texts at all hours....I swear she's driving me up the wall. But, in between all the nonsense going on, I have been writing WAY too often. So, without further delay.....here's an update :)

Chapter Five
Cady's P.O.V

When I woke of the next morning my first thought was, hey, it's summer. My next thought was hey, Jason Adams is a jackass.

I groaned and thought of the previous night. All the events of the party, Devon driving me home and stopping at the gas station to get me a Mountain Dew, getting home, Devon coming in and talking to my dad who was obviously surprised I'd gone to a party, while I retreated to my bedroom without saying goodnight. 

I rolled over and looked at the carpet next to my bed. A Mountain Dew can and one of my pillows were sprawled out next to that hideous skirt and halter top. I sighed, again, and looked back up at the ceiling, fingering my huge t-shirt that I wore to bed. 

A quick glance at my clock revealed the time to be ten past nine. I always woke up early, but usually stayed in bed untill about ten to just think. 

That morning though, I got up because I knew I'd just lay there thinking about Jason and his big mouth. After showering and putting on a pair of short jean shorts (and kicking the skirt under my bed) and another t-shirt that read "In the time it took you to read this, the federal goverments spent $346,000," I walked out of my room, my hair still wet. 

Dad was sitting on the couch, it was his day off, with a cup of coffee in his regular sweatpants and t-shirt he always put on when he got up. 

"Hey," I said, stepping into the kitchen. 

"Morning," he replied. 

I watched my dad while I got a poptart out. He looked pretty good for his age. His grayish brown hair was still pretty much all on his head and he was always fit and healthy even though he ate all the time, something I had inherited from him. 

"I wanted to ask you something," he said, when I walked over to a chair and sat down on the arm rest with my poptart. 

"Shoot," I told him, taking a bite of my unhealthy breakfast. But this is America, it's supposed to be. 

"Well...." he said, carefully sitting down his coffee and then turning to look at me. "I was wondering if you might be interested in going somewhere this summer...."

"Like where?" I asked, shrugging, not seeing what he was heading towards. 

"Well, we haven't been to the beach house in a while..." he said, glancing down at the floor. 

Of course we haven't, I thought. I'm not going on a vacation without mom. To OUR family beach house. 

"Dad..." I said, sitting up a bit straighter. Gosh, this is an odd beginning to my summer. Very sucky summer. "I don't know if...."

"Don't know if what?" I heard Cory ask, coming out of his room behind us. 

"I was asking if maybe she'd be interested in going to the beach house for some of the summer," Dad responded. 

"Oh..." Cory said. He was looking down for a moment then his face lit up. "Hey, we should. That's a good idea."

"Cory," I said, looking at him disgusted. "Vacation? Without Mom?"

Another ackward silence. The M word was commonly avoided in my household, with good reason. 

"Honey, come on," Dad said, in the quiet and careful voice he pulls out at just the right time always. "Maybe it'll help."

"He's right," Cory pitched in. "And maybe we could...."

"You could what?" Dad asked, glancing away from me at him. 

"Well," Cory said quickly. "I was just thinking, maybe if we invited Devon and Havan then possibly, it might make, you know. Things easier."

Dad appeared to think about it for a moment before giving a shrug. "That would be fine with me."

I shook my head. Why? Why did we even have to go? I could easily spend my summer reading and getting a job and hanging with Devon at the movies. It'd be so easy. 

And spending some of the summer in the same house with Havan? Devon, maybe I could stand for that long. But Havan....kill me now. 

Eh, bad choice of words. 

"You guys," I said, shaking my head and looking in between by crazy family memebers. "We don't have to do this."

"I kinda want to," Dad said. 

"Me, too," Devon agreed. "It'll be fun."

Fun? Were they serious?

"So when would we go?" Cory asked grinning, already excited.

"Anytime," Dad said, smiling his rare smile nowadays. "It's our beach house."

"Why not this week?" Cory asked. 

Oh my, God.

"If you want," Dad replied, with another shrug and smile that nearly reached his eyes. 

"This is awesome," Cory said, hopping around a little like he was getting excited. "I've gotta tell Havan."

"And don't forget to ask Devon," Dad reminded me already, squeezing my leg reassuringly. 

Well, this summer has suddenly taken a dramatic turn. 


"Hey," Devon said, hopping out of his truck and slamming the door. He smiled at me. "You OK?"

Of course he'd asked that. I'd sent him a text after the beach conversation asking him to come over so I could ask him something. Even if that sounded dumb. But as expected he was there in a half hour, while I waited on the porch steps. 

"Hey. Yeah, I'm fine," I said as he sat down on the dark brick steps next to me. 

Our house was sort of strange. All the houses on the road are sort of spaced out pretty well with trees in between them. But it was still a pretty popular road. The house was sort of farther back with a big front yard. The house was big, too, but it looked right somehow. It was brick, but the bricks were dark and it always looked kind of eery at night if you drove by.

"So, what do you want to ask me?" he questioned, picking up a rock from the gravel path that led up to the house, like the driveway.   

"Well," I said, looking down at the rock in his hand. I wondered why I felt weird asking him. Maybe because he was always the one recently who initiated what we did together? If we were going to the movies, he called. If he wanted to go get something to eat, he'd text me and ask if I was hungry. I always waited for that, and never asked him myself. 

"Yes?" he asked, when I didn't immeadiatly continue. 

I sighed. "Look, do you want to come to the beach with me and Cory and Havan and my dad?"

He looked at me, surprise evident on his face, before grinning at me. 

"Hell yeah!" he said, throwing the rock toward the driveway. "Give me a time and a place and I'll be there."

I smiled a little. Even though going to the beach was the very last thing I wanted to do, knowing Devon was coming made it a little less painful.

"Soon," I said, pulling my legs up to my chest. "They want to go soon."

"Ah," he said, leaning back against the steps. "You don't really want to go?"

"That obvious?" I asked, rolling my eyes. 

"It won't be that bad," he promised, putting his arm over my shoulder. The gesture seemed normal enough. He'd done it a million times since we were kids, and it hadn't been weird. He was like a brother to me. Well, that's what I told myself. And I always believed that. He was my best bud, my partner in crime, all that stuff. Nothing weird, nothing romantic or flirty about it. Just my best friend and me. So how come when I leaned my head against his shoulder all I could do was wonder what kind of shampoo produced that lovely smell his hair radiated?

Yeah, spending a couple of weeks with him in a beach house might not be the best thing for me. 

"Trust me, it won't be that bad," he repeated when I didn't say anything. 

I sighed. "Isn't that what you said about last night?" I asked bitterly. 

"There won't be any Jason's at the beach," he said, turning his head to look down at me a little. 

I heard the door swing open behind us and Cory say, "My, I just can't help but interupt you two, can I?"

I pushed away from Devon and looked back at Cory. 

"Where are you going?" I asked while he pulled out his keys. 

"To ask Havan," he replied, grinning. He looked at Devon. "Are you gonna come?"

"Yep," he said, putting his arm I'd pushed away back around me. 

"He's got to ask his parents," I reminded him. 

"Eh, you know they'll say yes." He shrugged. 

"Good," Cory said. He grinned again and added, "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Devon called as he got in his car. 

I watched him drive off and Devon sighed. "Really, he does need luck to just talk with that girl." 


Corvan's P.O.V

I pulled into Havan's driveway a few minutes later and practically skipped to the door, praying no one could see me.  

I rang the doorbell and waited. 

This trip would be good. For one, I would get to spend that much more time with my girlfriend. And also, Cady would be forced to get out and have fun this way, maybe making my mission a bit easier. 

The door opened and I dragged my attention back to it. 

"Hey," Havan's little sister, Heidi, said when she opened the door. She was licking a purple popsicle very thoroughly. "You wanna see Havan?"

"Yes," I said, stepping inside the house I was so used to by now. 

"In her room," the seven year old added. I nodded and started up the steps to Havan. 

I opened her door and entered her bedroom. Her room is pretty cool. It's really Havan-like. Which means it's bright and full of colors that wouldn't seem like they'd match but somehow work perfectly together. 

"Hey, babe," she said, hopping up from her bed she was sitting on, reading a magazine and texting. 

She came up to me and kissed me quickly before asking, "So what's up? What'd you wanna ask me?"

I dragged her over to her bed and we sat down. 

"Well," I began slowly. "You said you didn't have any plans for the summer, right?"

"Right," she clarified. 

"So what would you say to the idea of coming down to the beach with me and Cady and Devon and my dad?" I asked, smiling down at her. 

Her eyes widened and then all I remember was lots of excited squealing as she jumped around on the bed. 

"Are you serious?" she asked, when she'd half calmed down. "You want me to come on vacation with you, Cory?"

"If you want," I said, laughing at how excited she was. 

"Of course I do," she screamed. I kept laughing while she hugged me tightly. 

"You should ask your parents," I said, when she released me. 

"Right, right," she said, leaning her head against my shoulder. "But they have to say yes because they won't have an excuse! Oh, Cory, this is going to be so much fun!"

"And we can help Cady, too," I reminded her. "She doesn't even really want to go I think, but we will make her have some fun."

"Agreed," Havan said, nodding into my chest. Then she sighed happily. "I can not wait."


I spent pretty much the rest of the day hanging out with Havan. We just stayed in her room and talked and watched Twilight (her favorite movie). 

She walked me out to my car later when I decided to go home and figure out when we were actually going to be leaving for the beach, so Havan could report back to her parents. 

"This will be good for Cady," Havan told me, leaning back against the side of my car while I rubbed her sides. 

"I know," I said, resting my forehead against hers. "She needs to do something....teenager-ish, without any Jason's around."

"Very true," Havan said. She kissed me then added, "Call me later and tell me when, kay?"

I nodded and smiled down at her. "I will. Bye."

I drove home, sort of thinking about Cady, something about her. And something about lemonade. 

PLEASE tell me what you think lovely people :)

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#33 livexlovexdance


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 12:18 AM

Yay! They're going on vacation! I wish I had a beach house...

When I woke of the next morning my first thought was, hey, it's summer. My next thought was hey, Jason Adams is a jackass.

I laughed so, sooo hard when I read that! I LOVE Cady! She always manages to make me laugh.

I'm liking this new development in the Cady/Devon department! Yay! :D They're adorable together!

Update soon!

:heartbeat: Sara

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#34 Allthingsstellar


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 04:11 AM

awww, Cory is so sweet :) he watched Twilight with Havan...I have to say, that currently, I like Cory and Havan better than Cady and Devon, even though I really like Devon. Cady....just kind of bugs me with her attitude lol, but i guess I understand.
Your writing is really smooth, I love it! :heartbeat:

Update soon...wonder what'll happen at the beach house

Rivea :icon_flower:

Edited by Allthingsstellar, 20 June 2010 - 04:12 AM.

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#35 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 08:30 AM

Jamie I did not force you!! I simply asked (a lot) yesterday to update. And when you did I was asleep!! Grrrr! No Jasons, eh? Hehe but I know....nevermind. Haha

Havan is soooo lucky! And hilarious!! I laughed really hard when she jumped on her bed. I don't know why though. Hmmmm. Devon really needs to make a move!! SHE WAS WONDERING WHAT SHAMPOO YOU USED DUDE!

Cady, chill. It's the beach!! Devon's gonna be there. Corvan work harder!!!!

Update soon! *Pokémon Master*

:heartbeat: Cheyenne

P.S Cannot is one word darlin'
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#36 kylie


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 09:08 AM

Ooh, they're going to the beach!
This is getting intresting!

Update soon!
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#37 suze.angelova


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 09:38 AM

yeahh your writing is really good, and there is actually lots of description with everything that happens:) awwww i love the part where cady smells davon and wonders why she suddenly feels different towards him :) i love it when new romances form in stories , so hopefully they'll get together soon :P

suzeee xoxo :)
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#38 Gee{or}jah


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 10:51 AM

Aw :) Jamie I love this. :)

You had me hooked from the first word.

Brilliance, my friend, brilliance.


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#39 Jcrazy


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Posted 20 June 2010 - 03:49 PM

Sara: Thank you! I wish I had a beach house too! Haha. Cady's point of view is fun to write from....I think I like it better then Cory's....hehe. I feel like I'm dissin Cory by saying that somehow. Haha. Sorry cory!! Lol :)

Rivea: Thanks! Haha, yeah Twilight. Lol. Cady is a little attitude-ish I guess....but atleast she sorda has a reason. lol. Thanks for saying my writings smooth.

Cheyenne: Sure sure whatever. Haha. Thanks. And maybe I jst enjoy putting spaces in the middle of words, huh?! Hahahaha. :)

Kylie: Yes the beach! Haha. I love the beach and I've actually been to the beach they're going to. Hehe. Thank you :)

Suze: Thanks!! For saying my writings good. I love hearing that even more than what you think of my characters relationships (not that I don't love that too! Haha).

Georgia: Thanks dude!! I'm glad you're hooked.
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#40 NikkiandEm


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Posted 21 June 2010 - 12:43 PM

Im loving this im loving this..............






UGH! TOO LONG! 5!!!!!

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#41 Jcrazy


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Posted 21 June 2010 - 01:47 PM

Im loving this im loving this..............






UGH! TOO LONG! 5!!!!!


Hahahaha. Thank you Nikki!! I do have the next chapter written, and after I look back at it, I'll post it! Probably tonight or tomorrow morning (: Thanks for reading!


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#42 Jcrazy


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Posted 21 June 2010 - 11:16 PM

Hola! Ok. So in this chapter you should know that the game they play on Havan's phone does exist, because I have it, although I changed the name. And, oh, I think Cady's POV is a lot longer than corvan's in this one...so sorry if you that bothers you. Hehe. So, enjoy ladies.

Chapter Six
Cady's P.O.V

Four days later I was standing in front of my dad's black truck, watching Devon put our bags in the back. 

My dad's truck was big, with a top over the back. We were all going to ride down in it. Havan and Cory and Dad's stuff was already loaded in and they were waiting in the vehicle. 

Cory had unfortunantly called shotgun before me. So I was between Devon, who had a tendancy to fall asleep and lean all over you on long trips, and Havan, who was sure to talk the entire way. Oh, joy. 

"Almost done?" I asked Devon, who was taking a bit too long. 

"Your bag is heavy," he complained. "God, what'd you bring?"

I walked around and looked at the bag he was stuffing in the back now. I'd had two bags; my suitcase with all the necessary things (clothes, shampoo, ect.) and then a duffle bag—the one he was trying to fit in now—that had my books in it. 

"Oh, those are my books," I said with a shrug. 

"How MANY?" he asked, finally shoving it on top of my suitcase. 

"Like....a few," I said simply. Seventeen. And a dictionary. And suduko puzzles. 

He rolled his eyes then slammed the truck. I pulled my tote bag closer to my side and slid into the middle of the truck between Devon and Havan. 

Havan was going on about how much fun this was going to be and my dad already looked worn out while Cory just smiled. 

"Everyone got everything?" Dad asked, glancing in the rear view mirror at us. 

We all nodded and he began to drive. 

The trip began like normal. We all knew the drive from Greensboro, North Carolina to Sunset beach was about four hours in good time, and we were leaving at ten AM. We made steady conversation, except for me since I pulled my iPod out and started listening to music. 

I had my pillow next to me, like I always did on long trips. I leaned back against it, closed my eyes and listened to the sound of Paramore. 

It didn't take long for Devon to take one of my earphones out and put it in his own. 

I ignored him, since he did that all the time. But then, of course, I could hear everyone talking and my plans for going to sleep quickly vanished. 

"Hey, Cady," Havan said, smiling down at me from where my head was on the pillow on Devon's shoulder. "What would you say to getting up early with me and going out to the beach to tan?"

I'd say, I don't tan because I'm always pale, honey. But I didn't want to exactly begin the trip that way so I just said, "We'll see." She looked fairly satisfied by that. 

"I hate this song," Devon complained, when Misery Business came on. 

"Too bad, my iPod," I said, smiling up at him. 

Even though it wasn't going as horribly as I thought—actually, it was fairly relaxing and calm—I still could tell something was missing. 


But I pushed that thought away, like I seemed to be doing more often lately, and took my headphones off, deciding I'd try to make this trip halfway decent. Or atleast the ride down. 

"So does anyone want to play a game or something?" I asked. That got me a look from everyone, including Dad. 

"Like what?" Devon asked. He was the least surprised, but still obviously a little confused. I guess I hadn't been one to play a lot of games recently. 

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Y'all can choose."

"Ooh," Havan said, smiling. "I have this game called Would You Rather on my iPhone. It's fun. Everyone can play."

"Cool," I said, smiling a little. 

"Ok," Havan said after a minute of having her phone out. "I put everyones name in and now when I shake it, it'll land on a name and I'll ask you question of which you'd rather do."

It sounded simple enough, so she shook it and then said, "Ooh! Ok, Cory! Would you rather....always have to tell the truth....or never speak again?"

"Never speak again," he answered immeadiatly. "I'd get beaten up if I always told the truth."

They laughed a little while Havan shook her phone again. 

"Mr. Troms!" Havan said, and my dad glanced back surprised. I guess he didn't know he was included in this game. Or maybe he was just wondering why she refused to call him Steve still. 

"Oh," my dad said. Then he sighed. "Ok."

"Ok...would you rather...live 1,000 years in the past or 1,000 years in the future?"

"Future," he said easily. I knew he would, since he sort of scientifical about stuff and getting to see the future would probably be his dream come true. 

The game went on, Havan was next and it asked her if she would rather pierce or nose or her tounge. She chose nose and Cory complemented her. Then it went to Devon and asked if he rather have a three inch wide belly button or a belly button that stuck out three inches. 

"What kind of question is that?" Devon asked, laughing. 

"I don't know!" Havan giggled. "I mean, I didn't make it!"

Devon rolled his eyes and went with the three inch wide, claiming he could hide that easier. 

"Ok, Cady," Havan said next. "Would you rather.....oh, never mind...stupid question...." She was about to shake it again, but I grabbed it from her and looked at it before she could change whatever it was she didn't want to ask me. 

I looked down at the screen. Would you rather 1) bring back one family member or 2) bring back a thousand strangers. 

I guess I could see why she didn't want to ask me that. 

"Option one," I said, throwing the phone back at her. 

I glanced around at them all looking at me said, "You know what? I think I'll try to take a little nap."

I put my headphones back on and buried my head in my pillow.    

I thought of my mom untill I fell asleep and dreamed about her. 


Corvan's P.O.V

Cady was sleeping, Devon was listening to her music, Havan was texting, Dad was driving, and I was reading signs on the road. We'd been driving for about two hours. Half way there. That's something. 

I didn't know what Cady's question had been but it must have made her mad. Well, obviously. 

"Hey, do you have Sabrina's number?" Havan asked me, leaning forward towards my seat. 

"No," I said, shaking my head. 

"I do," Devon said, taking Cady's headphones off. 

"How do you have her number?" I asked while he gave it to her. 

"She gave it to me in ninth grade," he said smiling. "I never called her."

"Why not?" Havan asked. "Sabrina's pretty and nice."

"Yeah, but...." he trailed off. 

I could easily finish that sentence. 'Yeah, but I'm in love with Cady.' He couldn't really deny it I don't think. 

"But what?" Havan asked, curiously, glancing away from her phone to him. 

He just shook his head. "Nothing." He looked down, his face slightly red.

"OH!" Havan said suddenly. She looked at Cady. "Sorry, right, right."

"What?" Dad asked, looking back at them in the mirror. "What am I missing? Why didn't Devon go out with Sabrina?"

"No reason," Devon said quickly, glancing in between all of us. "I just didn't like her really."


I looked at him skeptically and he gave me a warning glance that pretty much read "tell anyone and die." I shrugged, smiling, and turned back around. 

A minute later Dad asked, "What do you say we stop and go inside somewhere and eat? I'm hungry and need a break from driving."

We all agreed, well, all of us except Cady who was still sleeping. We decided to go to McDonalds, when we saw a sign down the road that said one was coming up in a few miles. 

When I looked back discreetly at Devon a few minutes later, Havan was looking away out the window and Cady's head had moved to his lap and he was messing with her hair, gently and slowly, looking down at her. 

I looked back quickly, so I wouldn't get caught, smiling and wondering why he never asked her out. She'd say yes! I was going to have to let this guy know somehow.....

Soooo.....tell me what you think :)

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#43 <3Cheese<3


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Posted 21 June 2010 - 11:27 PM

Ohmygod!! That was so cute!! I loved it!! I like the ened where devon is playing with her hair!!! FRISSION!!! I love it!!!
:heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

:heartbeat: Cheyenne
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#44 BrieBear


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Posted 22 June 2010 - 02:21 AM

First off, Jamie, let me say that from the preface alone I was stunned by how beautiful and mature your style is for your age. I know writers on here who are years older than you and don't have quite the same handle on the English language. Your style is languid and beautiful, and I can't wait to see what years do to it, because in my opinion, you can only go up from here.

There are certain points when the writing seems forced. A lot of times it's in your longer, more descriptive paragraphs. I can tell you KNOW and FEEL what you want to say, but can't find the exact words to say it. Believe it or not, this is good. I would rather you feel in your gut what you want to write and not have to vocabulary to structure it rather than you know every word in the English language and not truly know what you want to say. So really, you can't exactly fix this problem right NOW. It's fixed over time. I know you love to read, so that will help you collect more words and ways of saying things. Right now, you cling to cliches because you're young and it's all you know. Believe me, I STILL DO IT haha.

Something that helped me A LOT, actually, was studying for the SAT and getting really good vocab lists from English teachers. This is a win-win situation: It will help you with your writing AND get you good grades/test scores (I don't know about you, but I suck at math and had to make up for it by being amazing at English.)

I can tell you are extremely intelligent. You have some very brilliant, in depth ideas. Now is when you just work on HOW you put them out there. Some of this is very blatant and predictable, like the relationship between Devon and Cady. Right now, the only mystery about your plot is how her mom died. Right now, I can tell you're writing about how someone finally heals and learns to re-open themselves after their mother's death, and how a romance with her best friend finally does the trick (if I'm wrong, tell me haha). This early in, I shouldn't know that. Let's talk about how to be more subtle and leave crumbs for your readers to follow.

Writing a book is like Hansel and Gretel: they leave a trail of crumbs, and the little birdies (the readers) have to hop forward on the trail to get to the BIG SNACK (the gingerbread house, or, the climax and end of your book). I really like metaphors, they help me learn. Haha. Right now, you're sort of giving me whole pieces of a cake instead of baiting me. A good trick of making the reader want more is to end each chapter with a bit of a cliffhanger. You'll notice I do this haha.

You have a good handle on your characters, but I know you can go deeper with your detail. Like I told NikkiandEm, really IMMERSE yourself into that world. You have the opposite of her problem: you know your characters pretty well, but you have little imagery. And with imagery, don't just leave it to the literal sense of the word. To really make a world on paper (or, I guess a computer screen) seem real to the reader is to really bathe them in all five senses vicariously through your characters' senses.

I hope this helped. Please, don't hesitate to come to me for one-on-one editing and coaching. I truly love doing this haha. It makes me think about my own writing, too.
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#45 Jcrazy


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Posted 22 June 2010 - 03:06 AM

Wow. First off, let me thank you SO much for putting that much thought into a response. It's more than what I expected. 

Thanks for what you said about my preface. The preface actually means a lot to me. When I started writing it, it was going to be a re-write of a story I'd written last year for school. Since, just last year, I didn't write at all (I'm serious. I only started to enjoy writing about last summer) and I found it I realized I wanted to try to redo it and prove to myself a year can make all the difference in your writing. Originally, it was a scary story. The whole thing with the storm....it ended with a ghost from the closet taking a girl away and her parents never stepping foot in her closet again. So dumb and cliched.

But then I got to think about memories...and for some reason one memory kept coming to my mind. It had nothing to do with a storm or anything. It was about a time when I was at the beach and my brother, who's about my age, and me were sharing a room. I was just a little kid then, so I made him push the beds together becuase I was scared of being in an unfamiliar place and all. I just remembering holding his hand untill I fell asleep. I know, that sounds silly. But it's one of those memories that stick, like I pointed out in the story. 

And I wasn't even going to continue with anything after the preface, but my friend convinced me otherwise and then I couldn't stop with this story. 

Also, the preface is important to me because it's my first peice of writing I ever showed my dad. They don't know I write, and I think I'm going to begin to let them in on my little world. 

And what you said about my writing being forced? I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I write something, I usually think, Ok, that's good. But then I'll look back at it (sometimes after I've already posted it, which isn't so good) and realize I sounded a little....like a kid. Which, I know you're right. And that will only get better as I keep writing and get older. 

You're also right about some of it being predictable. The Devon and Cady thing?I always try to tone the relationship thing down, make it less obvious, but I like making things cute, so that gets in the way. Haha. I've got some twist in the future with them though, that will hopefully confuse you guys a little about them. Hehe.

I'm gonna say, how their mom's death occurred really isn't going to be a dramatic part of it. It's not too big a part of the story. But I'm thinking now I might make it a tad more dramatic since y'all are curious about it. 

I love the way you described imagery and how I should improve on it. Even your advice sounds amazing! Haha. Definitely will use that, now that I know how much it helps. Seeing your story and other peoples stories on here, and things I like and don't like about them, really make me consider what not to do and what to do in mine. But I really get what your saying about imagery. I could definitely use more. 

You have no idea how much help this is how much it means to me! Seeing as my best friend is pretty much the only one who knows I write, having a second, honest opinion is extreamly helpful.

Of course, after my dad did read my preface he went through and did a whole edit on it! Haha. It was helpful, but unexpected.  

Thanks SO MUCH!

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