Edited by Mandiileah, 26 June 2013 - 10:14 AM.
Jump to content
Posted 26 June 2013 - 10:13 AM
Edited by Mandiileah, 26 June 2013 - 10:14 AM.
Posted 26 June 2013 - 10:15 AM
This sounds awesome! I'll be reading. Love the banner, too.
Posted 27 June 2013 - 01:04 PM
You can’t really understand how it is to feel like this, I mean you may say you can relate. But you can’t really, you’re only aware of what emotional affect it has on you, but it’s different for others. No this is not a sad story, this is not something that will make you sit in a ball and ponder why your life has been so meaningless and empty. And if you are looking for such a story, stop reading now.
It was a simple crush, and that’s how all things start- with an ever so simple beginning- it was a Friday night and like most Friday nights in the sleepy towns of New Jersey, the mall would be the busiest place for miles because that’s where all the local teenagers would go to socialize with their cliques, walk into stores but not buy anything, and constantly annoy whatever poor family decided to actually go shopping on this day. Maggie was never quite a fan of the mall but honestly what else is there to do besides sit home and smoke weed while cartoons from the 90’s play on all night. (Although sometimes that’s exactly what she would do just to kill the continuous boredom) But that is not where her story begins, in fact it ironically starts in the mall, a place she could have cared less for even if you paid her one million dollars to stand in the front door for ten seconds.
Maggie was simple; she was a pretty simple that somehow attracted people’s attention although it was the last thing she’d ever want. Her eyes were a mix of what seemed to be a million shades of colors, and her hair was a sort of spastic curly that she could hardly stand to look at so she would straighten it for hours a day until it was flat against her head and because it was such an uneven cut- from when her and her Best Friend Amelia got drunk and Amelia cut Maggie’s top layer much shorter than the bottom layer- she would wear long dark extensions to match her raven colored hair. She was an average height and was not a particularly skinny girl, she was blessed with curves-unfortunately she did not see them as a blessing, but a curse for it was a stab at her confidence to watch Amelia gracefully slide into her size 5 jeans. It wasn't even that Maggie was fat, she wasn't anywhere near fat but to live in a world where beauty was seen by the number on a scale … well that does things to you. She was a simple beauty though, and people saw that and they flocked to her and they wanted her but she was distant and cold and hardly willing to accept having more friends than she could count on one hand. She was also an artist, and focused mainly on painting scenery that most people would find ugly, she could take the darkest alley and make it beautiful, it was her art skills that truly made her shine because no one saw the world like Maggie did.
That’s why Maggie was there that Friday night, school had just let out and she had hardly been home at all. She was out constantly with Amelia driving around and crashing from party to party, she had gotten this bright idea that it would be a great art design to paint one of the parties they had been at the previous night before.
“There was puke everywhere; people were practically dead on the floor! Why would you want to paint that?” Amelia said as she pulled the car into a parking spot two rows away from the malls main entrance.
“Well I think there’s something to show for that, it’s kinda pretty having all those people lying there. Everyone thinks they’re having so much fun when really they’re just realizing how badly they f*ked up their liver” Maggie said, her comment sparked a laugh in both of them.
“I’ll never understand you artist types, with all your fancy symbolism.” Amelia and Maggie stepped out of the car and hooked arms as they approached the mall, there were people lined up against the wall with cigarettes in their hands, and although most of them weren't even able to legally buy them, it gave the kids something to do. Maggie knew of this all too well.
“Let’s hurry this up, Eric said he’ll come over later and bring us a nic” Amelia smiled brightly; that was Amelia for you. She was a party hard kind of girl and only a portion of the time was Maggie able to keep up with her, most of the time they’d have to go their separate ways for a while. Maggie would lock herself up in her basement studio and Amelia would spend a nice long weekend with cute guys in a shabby motel on beach. But they agreed on at least two things, and that was the drugs and their friendship.
“Awesome, It better not be any of that weak crap like last time” Maggie snarled
“It’s not, he said it’ll get us really stoned” Amelia said playfully knocking into Maggie
They entered the art shop, Wet Paint was the name. It was Maggie’s favorite place; she felt a feeling of relief when walking into the store, she was in there almost every day spending half her paycheck. The store owner, Raul and she were even on first name bases. He was the one who had pushed Maggie into applying for The Academy of Arts in Rome. She sifted through the aisles looking for new paints, as if she didn't already know where they were. She just didn't want Amelia to rush her; Maggie was enjoying the hunt for the colors she already had swirling in her head.
Posted 27 June 2013 - 02:00 PM
Your characters are really intriguing, I can't decide what I think about them. What you have written is brilliant, but I really want to read more.
Posted 27 June 2013 - 02:57 PM
Thank you very much for your feed back everyone it's really great to know people are enjoying the story so far
Posted 27 June 2013 - 11:56 PM
After about 30 minutes of gathering the supplies Maggie needed, she walked to the register with Amelia close behind her heels. Raul popped up from the counter, his stingy little Mexican mustache was clean and trimmed, he wore a nice grey shirt with a black vest over it and his hair was swept back with hair gel. It was almost like he had just returned from Dancing with the Stars; Raul smiled brightly as he made eye contact with Maggie.
“Hello honey” he said with his thick Spanish accent
“Hello Raul” Maggie said leaning over the counter and placing a kiss on his cheek
“How’s my favorite artist” he returned the friendly gesture
“Wonderful, my next piece is going to be called . . .Drunk” Maggie smiled as if it was the best thing she’d ever thought of.
Amelia rolled her eyes; it wasn’t that Amelia thought that Maggie’s art ideas were stupid. It was more or so that she knew Maggie was going somewhere in life, and with each tiny eye roll she’d give her friend there was a hint of jealousy behind it all. They both loved each other, but in any basic friendship there is always a bit of clandestine competition. Maggie finally paid for her supplies and picked up her bag, with a wave goodbye to Raul they were halfway out the door. But of course nothing ever just happens in life, there’s always some deeper reason as to why people do the things they do. Why did Maggie decide to paint that exact party? Why did she need new paint? Why did it have to be that paint store, on that exact night? Maybe it was fate or maybe it was just two unsuspecting human beings trying to do their thing on a Friday night. Whatever it was; just as Maggie and Amelia were leaving the store along came Evan Aldan with the rest of his obnoxiously loud posy.
Evan wasn’t like his friends, he didn’t do drugs, or drink, or go to the mall because he thought it was fun. He didn’t play sports, or hook up with random one night stands; Evan had a vibe about him that made him almost indescribably desirable to any girl with in a ten feet radius of him. When Evan walked in the room, people noticed. He was a tall boy, his shirt read some unidentifiable band name and his eyes were the brightest blue. Maggie took one look at him and even though she found him extremely attractive, she gave a sarcastic little laugh in his direction and started to walk the other way.
“Hey you.” A voice called to the girls, Amelia stopped but Maggie kept walking completely oblivious to the voice.
“Mag!” Amelia called after, only then did she turn around and see the strangely attractive young man standing next to her friend. His friends were standing by the guardrail, peeking over to see exactly what was happening but they were too far away to hear any conversation happening between the three of them.
“Don’t I know you?” Evan said tilting his head as if to examine her
“No I don’t think so” Maggie was getting irritated, if there is one thing you don’t want to do it is get in the way of Maggie and her weed and right now that is exactly what Evan was doing.
“No, no I do know you from somewhere.” He said, still eyeing her down
“You’ve probably seen her art hung up around Woodbury” Amelia popped in, needing her voice to be heard. “Maggie’s kinda famous in our town”
“Amelia!” Maggie snapped as she grabbed her by the arm gently but firm “What?! Mag come on, your artwork is all over the damn place. It’s no secret.” Amelia continued to ramble on
“Yeah! You know what, I think that’s it. You painted the one piece of an old lady and her mutt on the park bench. “ Evan smiled, that’s what really hit Maggie. The fact that his soothing voice had an even more soothing smile to match and the pure fact that someone noticed her painting . . . it was all too much to take in but she kept it together and played it off like she wasn’t getting emotionally flustered.
“We gotta go, but um . . . you can have my number if you want?” Amelia batted her big brown doe eyes at him, “yeah sure” Evan replied not taking his eyes of Maggie for more than a second, and that was just so he could input his number into Amelia’s phone. “Hit me up any time” he said the statement was clearly directed toward Maggie, but Amelia didn’t notice she just stood there and waved.
“You seriously just wasted 15 minutes of my smoking time to get some band-douche’s number?” Maggie palmed her forehead and continued to walk away.
“What!? He was sexy” Amelia laughed.
Edited by Mandiileah, 27 June 2013 - 11:57 PM.
Posted 28 June 2013 - 11:07 AM
I still am confused about your characters, but in a good way, it keeps me reading. The amount of information you give about your characters is enough not to be irritatingly vague, but still leaves space to let me wonder about them. I can't say much more about part two, I am too busy thinking about what could what may happen next. Needless to say I will be waiting for an update, I love the way you write.
Posted 30 June 2013 - 09:15 PM
New chapters coming a little slow, kinda stuck with Maggie right now. I promise I'll update soon!
Posted 30 June 2013 - 10:57 PM
Maggie was a swirl of emotions the next day, she sucked in the thick smoke from her joint and exhaled it back out as she lifted her paint brush from the trey. It was mid-afternoon and Maggie was in her studio basement with Radio Head blaring loudly in the background, she didn’t even like Radio Head but it was better than listening to her parents argue upstairs for hours on end. Once and awhile she was able to block their voices out, but when she was painting it was almost impossible because her head was so open and vulnerable . . . she didn’t like to make herself exposed to negative thoughts. So she blasted music she didn’t really like just so she could focus on something she loved. She floated her brush across the canvas, gently touching from corner to corner and blending the colors together, soon enough out of a blob of paint appeared shapes and forms of people and beer cans piled on top of each other. She stopped for another drag of her joint and continued to paint, and paint, and paint until afternoon crept into darkness. The basement door swung open and down came Maggie’s father who gave her a thoughtful yet infuriated look, she only gave him but an acknowledging glance. He reached over the railing to turn down the radio which sat upon a shelf pushed against the open staircase.
“Are you hungry?” He asked clearing his throat
Maggie set her brush down and took her last drag off her joint before flicking it out the open window. Her father looked at her with an intolerable stare, she knew how much he hated the idea of her smoking but he couldn’t do anything about it now that she was eighteen and about to leave home for the next two years.
“No Dad. I’m fine.” She said softly
“Your mom made roast beef . . . I’ll uh make you a plate and put it in the stove.” He said as he turned to walk up the stairs
“Where’s mom?” Maggie raptly asked narrowing him down with her eyes.
“She’s . . . out. Guess she went over Aunt Carlos” He muffled and then continued to walk up the stairs and close the door.
A pain swelled up in Maggie’s chest, Aunt Carlos she thought what a load of f*cking bull. She knew exactly where her mom was, every night after the daily fights she’d hurry on out of the house to go meet up with her boyfriend. It was no secret, Maggie knew, her father knew, and half the neighborhood knew. Her mom would stumble home every night with the bitter sweet smell of the same cologne mixed with vodka; it was hard for Maggie’s father to admit that the woman he married was sleeping in someone else’s bed and even for someone with a mind like Maggie, she could see no good in the situation and she hated her parents for what they let themselves become.
She cleaned up her paint and set her canvas by the open window for the sun to dry it. Afterward she ran upstairs and grabbed her bag and darted out the door, wiping off the paint from her face and smearing into her dark blue skinny jeans. Amelia only lived down the street, and Maggie hoped she would be home so they could maybe head to The Spot and get some food. Her head was dizzy from the weed and she was enjoying every step of her discombobulated walk; thankfully she reached Amelia’s house and saw her car was out front. She knocked on the door and Amelia’s face appeared as it swung open, purse and keys in hand. Amelia took one look at her friend and turned her around by the shoulders and pushed her toward the car.
“To The Spot we go!”
Posted 01 July 2013 - 01:02 PM
I am starting to understand Maggie a bit better. You write her really believablely and she is a really interesting character. It is obvious that the way her family acts reflects on her own behaviour and explains why she is the way she is. As I said this is really interesting to read and I am still hungry for more.
Posted 02 July 2013 - 12:47 PM
Thank you for reading, even just having one reader gives me motivation to keep writing
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
Writing Club →
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users